Sunday, May 29, 2011

Making Churches Safe for Hurting People: Belong, Believe, Become

When I met "Jackson" we were in the middle of remodeling a trashed neglected trailer in a local trailer park in which we currently minister.  We were in the process of establishing a ministry center out of which we could meet the needs of this part of our community.  There are over 450 police calls each year to this part of town which is quite a bit for our small town of 9,000 people.  Many of the residents either currently struggle with or are in recovery for some sort of chemical dependancy addiction.  When Jackson stopped by the trailer, my mother and I were just cleaning up our paint supplies and calling it a day.

"Hi, I'm Jackson.  He cheerfully greeted us, hand extended.  You are doing a lot of work here. Are you guys just moving in?"  When I explained the purpose of what we were doing, he raised his eyebrows, put both hands out in front of him (in a "stop" gesture) and took two steps back.  "I'm not the 'churchy' type", he said.  "That's ok with me," I said, "but can we still be friends?"  At this statement, his whole body relaxed, his cheerful demeanor returned and he said "Sure! Do you want my cell phone number?"

Thus was the beginning of a friendship between Jackson and my husband and I that began a little over a year ago and has continued to grow.  As we have gotten to know Jackson, I can understand why he was resistant to "churchy" things.  He had a previous church experience that had been very negative.  Instead of reaching out to him in love, he was rejected by some people there and asked not to come back. 

The church he left was under what Jen Hatmaker refers to as the "Behave, Believe, Belong" model of church community.  In this model, people are expected to behave first, regardless as to whether or not they believe in Christ and have "signed on" to moral accountability that comes with a personal relationship with God.  Behaving may lead to belief which in turn leads to belonging to the group.  What's very clear about this paradigm is that a person will never belong unless they behave.

One of the burdens we have for the friends we have made in the trailer park is for them to get connected to a local church.  This is especially true for both the addicts and the recovering addicts that we know. Many of them have told us that we are the only stable friends they have.  In order to be successful in their recovery, though, they need to develop a new cirlcle of friends -- healthy friends who will support them in their recovery and not try to sabbatoge it by tempting them to use drugs or alcohol.

We have invited and invited and invited and had many promises made to us about going to church on Sunday.  Very rarely is there any follow through, however.  We have had a few people level with us and say that they are simply afraid of being judged or not being accepted.  Regardless of how much I assure them that my church isn't like that, at a basic, subconscious level, that fear is stronger than anything I can say to convince them otherwise, and Satan capitalizes on it. 

We will have people drop by the trailer often, especially on Friday mornings for coffee and donuts.  Occaisionally they are drunk or high.  Frequently they use choice words in the the course of conversation. We do not tell them to watch their language or come back when they are sober "and we will talk".  We have had to implement some policies when children are around, because we want the trailer to be a G-rated place for them during their "hangout time".  We have never had to enforce these policies at this point, however. People usually watch their language when kids are around and if they come drunk, they usually don't stay long when kids are there.

People have told us that they feel accepted by us and others in the ministry and that they don't feel judged.  One of our goals is to create a warm and accepting place in a church setting.  Last October, we started a ministry on Friday nights, at a church across from the trailer park, that attempts to create such a place. We gather together for dinner and then have a short "God Talk".  We then end with worship singing led by a young man who plays acoustic guitar.  We debated at first if we should include singing, but so many of our friends who are addicts said they love that part the most.  One man, who is not yet a believer, said he loves the music because it seems to "drive away the darkness."  Although we haven't had very many people connected to the trailer park come check us out (around ten people have done so), we do have three men who come fairly consistently, including Jackson.

Like at the trailer, we have had people come drunk and high occasionally. Our goal is to communicate unconditional acceptance and belonging without judgement. Please don't get me wrong, we do not water down the gospel or teach a compromising message. We try and make the gospel clear every time we gather.  It is our hope and prayer, though, that people will have an encounter with Jesus Christ and that they will eventually believe, receive Him as Savior, and then become a new creature in Christ.  Becoming will only happen, however, through the power of the Holy Spirit conforming each person to the image of Christ from the inside out.  But, even if they never believe and become, we want our friends  always to feel like they belong.


Belong, Believe, Become. This is the model of church community that Jen Hatmaker and her husband adopted when they planted a church among the poor in Austin.  Their story is very similar to my husband's and mine.  Her book, Interrupted, was suggested to me by another blogger who read about our ministry. Jen's insights into ministry to the poor and to those in addictions are almost identical to those impressed upon my husband's and my heart.

So how do churches become safe for hurting people?  We only have a few years of experience working with addicts, so we are far from being experts in this area.  We have been learning a lot through trial and error and heavy dependence on the Holy Spirit.  I do have some ideas I would like to share, but I'll do that in the next post :)

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Our Year in Review: Science Curriculum

Grades 3 & 6:  Apologia Science --Young Explorer Series: Exploring Creation with Zoology 1: Swimming Creatures of the Fifth Day
Thumbs up! This fantastic curriculum is the second book in the "Young Explorer Series" that we have used.  We did Flying Creatures of the Fifth Day last year.  Instead of a shallow coverage of several science topics, this series chooses one topic a year to study in an in depth manner (16 modules lasting approximately 2 weeks).  There are no tests in this curriculum, but in Charlotte Mason style, there are narrative questions at the end of each section and Module.  I am amazed by how much knowledge my girls have retained about the subjects we have studied.  We studied insects over a year ago, yet they currently remember details about that part of the curriculum that had been lost to my aging memory.

Pros:  There are many fun, hands on experiments and activities, notebook activities and field trips in this volume.  One activity my girls have enjoyed is making an "ocean box".  This is a shadow box in which they place ocean creatures they  formed out of modeling clay.  This has become my girls' favorite subject and they daily BEG me to teach it.

Cons: Those wanting a more comprehensive science curriculum that covers many subjects, may wish to choose something else.  Also, those wanting a curriculum with tests and workbooks will probably be dissatisfied with books in this series.

You can read Cathy Duffy's review here.



Thursday, May 26, 2011

Our Year in Review: Math Curriculum

As we wind down our homeschool year, I wanted to post a quick review of our curriculum choices by subject.  I will evaluate them with a thumbs up, down or sideways along with a brief description of the product and its strengths and weaknesses (in my opinion of course).  As you will see, I am more eclectic in my curriculum choices, but I lean more toward the classical and Charlotte Mason approaches.  I'll start with math.

Grades 9 (Algebra), 6, and 3:  Teaching Textbooks -- A thumbs up for all three grades!  I love, love, love Teaching Textbooks!  It is a computer based math program that we have used for the past 3 years.  Grades 3 through 7 provide audio/animated teaching and automated grading. The students listen/view the animated lecture then complete the work on the computer.

Pros: One benefit to this program is automatic feedback regarding errors.  The students see the correct answer and then can view the step by step solution.  Although the textbook is available for grades 3-7, it is not necessary to buy it unless you want the student to be able to complete his/her work away from the computer. Grades 8 and up, however do not do their work on the computer.  The work for these grades is done out of the textbook and there is NO automated grading.  There are teaching CD's and solutions CD's that can be viewed on the computer, but the textbook is absolutely necessary in order to complete this curriculum.

One thing I love about this curriculum is that my daughter with dyslexia is able to complete her math in a quarter of the time it used to take her because she doesn't have to take time to read the directions, word problems, etc. If she doesn't understand a procedure, she can go back and listen to the lecture without laboring over mathematical text. Her math scores have improved significantly.

Cons: The students are dependent on the computer to complete their math.  The CD's can scratch.  Although she highly recommends the curriculum, Cathy Duffy mentions in her review that Teaching Textbooks tends to move at a slower pace than other math programs.  Cost is also a drawback.  It is more expensive than other math curricula we have bought in the past. Prices range from $119.00 for third grade to $184 for
Pre-calculus.

You can read a complete review of this curriculum by Cathy Duffy here.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Nancy's Freedom

We had a dear friend pass away a few weeks ago.  This was a lady who was the mother of a friend of ours and who stayed with us for a week last summer while we were trying to find her a home.  She had lived a hard life, and that life had really taken its toll on her body.  It was really a shock, though, to hear of her passing.  Every week when my husband and I would go to meet with her daughter and son-in-law, we would see her.  She was in a lot of pain, but always greeted us with a smile and a hug.  She usually wanted us to pray for her.  We would often pray for God to heal her and to take the pain away.  We would also pray that God would draw her closer to Him and that she would experience His peace and comfort.

Nancy had made a confession of faith in Jesus many years ago.  Though she had a lot of struggles in her life, I am grateful for the time we got to spend with her during the week she stayed with us, because I was able to see evidence of a sincere faith in Christ.

Nancy loved to sit outside on our deck everyday and watch the wildlife. One day, while we were outside, a yellow butterfly flew past us.  Nancy smiled and said,"Freedom . . . a butterfly represents freedom."  At that time, Nancy didn't have a lot of freedom.  She had no home, and she couldn't stay with any relatives in town because of legal reasons.  Furthermore, she was trapped in a body with physical disabilities that prevented her from living the life she longed to live.  She also had a limited income that prevented her from doing things she wanted to do.  A free spirit by every sense of the word, she wanted her freedom more than anything.

Nancy had really made an impact on my kids, especially Emma. I have never seen her grieve so deeply about anyone's death before. The day she passed away, Emma composed the following poem about Nancy.


Nancy’s Freedom
By "Emma"

Not long ago, you and I
Sat on our porch on a day in July.
You stopped conversation when you saw a yellow butterfly.
“Freedom” you whispered as a smile crossed your face.
“A butterfly can go anywhere, can go anyplace.”
You didn’t stay at our house long, to the hospital you went.
Your words impressed upon my heart and there they left a dent.

What is this concept, freedom? Why do we want it so?
A teenager from his fathers house and a toddler from his clothes;
The addict from addiction, The beaten from abuse;
A prisoner wants no prison, the felon wants to be loosed;
The slave wants no more bondage, the suicidal wants no pain;
They do all they can for liberty, and freedom to obtain.

You had little freedom in that hospital bed.
We brought you a card, you smiled and nodded your head.
Seeing the butterflies on the card, “Freedom” is what you said.
I was leaving for Kentucky on the Forth of July,
“Now remember,” you said “Don’t leave without telling me goodbye.”
I said I wouldn’t dream of doing so,
So before I left I stopped by and let you know.

Months came and months went
Weeks far from home were spent.
Your family and mine came to visit you.
It was filled with laughter and Taco Bell, and strange smells from the baby too.
“Freedom” I thought, that is what you crave,
But not to go wherever, but to see your family everyday.

You came back home and many weeks were spent.
You were here for Easter and for most of Lent.
I didn’t get to see you since you’d been at home,
And I didn’t get to talk to you before you left the world I roam.

You used to pray everyday for God to make things good,
To do away with the things you couldn’t and give you things you could.
But God made things perfect, but not the way we thought He would.
I know you would not have believed us had we told you He would do it this way,
But I know that now you are happy in that perfect place.
You now have no more pain, you are in His Kingdom.
He didn’t make things tolerable, but instead He gave you freedom.

But if you were here I’d say (or at least I’d try),
When I think freedom I think of you and not the butterfly.

Walking with the Wise: Emma's Blessing Ceremony

Today we celebrated our daughter's upcoming 15th birthday with a "Blessing Ceremony ".  This is a rite of passage ceremony that is inspired by the Latin American and Jewish “coming of age” traditions of the “quinceanera” and “Bar/Bat Mitzvah”. It acknowledges the beginning of the process of preparation for the transition from childhood to adulthood. This ceremony has two key components: the recognition of mentorship and a spoken blessing.



I came across this idea a while back when I was listening to a podcast on Oneplace.com.  Since my husband and I had worked in Mexico for 17 years, we had become familiar with the Latin American tradition of the quinceanera, an elaborate "coming of age" rite of passage that takes place on a girl's 15th birthday.  Although we never planned on having something as involved as a traditional quinceanera, we had always wanted to do something special to commemorate our girls' 15th birthdays.  When our oldest daughter turned 14, I began to wonder what we would do for her quinceanera.  When I heard Jim and Janet Weidmann interviewed on the podcast telling about the Blessings Ceremony they planned for each of their kids, I was thrilled.  I knew that this is was the very thing I wanted to do for "Emma's" 15th birthday.

Unfortunately I didn't download the podcast.  I couldn't remember the authors' names so every Google search I did to try and find the podcast or book in which this ceremony was described left me empty handed.   I eventually did find the book online, but despite the promised delivery date range, it  arrived yesterday afternoon --  after the ceremony.  I'll look through it, though, and see if there is anything I can use for  Marianne and Lizzy's ceremonies in a few years.  The two key parts of the ceremony I did remember from the podcast were recognition of mentorship and a spoken blessing.

Mentorship:  The need for wise counsel is a repeated theme in the book of Proverbs. As Emma approaches adulthood, Eric and I would like her to realize the importance of developing the lifelong habit of seeking and recognizing godly role models and counselors. For the past several years, I have prayed that God would bring iron-sharpens-iron friends and mentors into  Emma’s life.  About 6 months ago, I asked Emma to be thinking about  women she would like to recognize as mentors who have made an impact on her and whose lives demonstrate a strong commitment to Christ. I asked Emma  to chose 5 ladies who fit this description. As mentors, we asked these ladies to be available to Emma to teach, counsel, exhort, correct, advise, and encourage her in her walk with the Lord as He leads.

I invited these special women to a tea and asked them to bring a blessing, prayer, scripture, or poem to read to Emma during the ceremony. The importance of blessing is emphasized throughout the Bible. It is also a key component in rite of passage ceremonies in many different cultures.










My mom, Eric's mom, Emma's godmother, and Eric and I also prepared blessings to read.  Eric's mom and Emma's godmother couldn't be at the ceremony because they live out of state, so they sent theirs via email and Lizzy and I read the blessings they prepared.



I thought it would be good also for Emma to write something to read to each of the mentors, telling them why she chose them and letting them know the important role they have played in her discipleship. She printed these off, cut a decorative edge around each one and tied it to a yellow rose.





A few days before the ceremony, we went shopping for a special outfit and for a special tea pot.


I got the idea of choosing a special tea pot from a blessing ceremony I read about on another blog.  This was a lot of fun.  After two days of looking,  Emma ended up deciding on the very first teapot she came across. We call it the "Minnie Mouse tea pot".  Emma says she chose it because it makes her smile.   The fact that it makes her smile makes me smile.

I feel so blessed by the Lord that Emma has such wonderful ladies in her life that care so deeply about her and take time to invest in her life.


He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm. ~ Proverbs 13:20