"Hi, I'm Jackson. He cheerfully greeted us, hand extended. You are doing a lot of work here. Are you guys just moving in?" When I explained the purpose of what we were doing, he raised his eyebrows, put both hands out in front of him (in a "stop" gesture) and took two steps back. "I'm not the 'churchy' type", he said. "That's ok with me," I said, "but can we still be friends?" At this statement, his whole body relaxed, his cheerful demeanor returned and he said "Sure! Do you want my cell phone number?"
Thus was the beginning of a friendship between Jackson and my husband and I that began a little over a year ago and has continued to grow. As we have gotten to know Jackson, I can understand why he was resistant to "churchy" things. He had a previous church experience that had been very negative. Instead of reaching out to him in love, he was rejected by some people there and asked not to come back.
The church he left was under what Jen Hatmaker refers to as the "Behave, Believe, Belong" model of church community. In this model, people are expected to behave first, regardless as to whether or not they believe in Christ and have "signed on" to moral accountability that comes with a personal relationship with God. Behaving may lead to belief which in turn leads to belonging to the group. What's very clear about this paradigm is that a person will never belong unless they behave.
One of the burdens we have for the friends we have made in the trailer park is for them to get connected to a local church. This is especially true for both the addicts and the recovering addicts that we know. Many of them have told us that we are the only stable friends they have. In order to be successful in their recovery, though, they need to develop a new cirlcle of friends -- healthy friends who will support them in their recovery and not try to sabbatoge it by tempting them to use drugs or alcohol.
We have invited and invited and invited and had many promises made to us about going to church on Sunday. Very rarely is there any follow through, however. We have had a few people level with us and say that they are simply afraid of being judged or not being accepted. Regardless of how much I assure them that my church isn't like that, at a basic, subconscious level, that fear is stronger than anything I can say to convince them otherwise, and Satan capitalizes on it.
We will have people drop by the trailer often, especially on Friday mornings for coffee and donuts. Occaisionally they are drunk or high. Frequently they use choice words in the the course of conversation. We do not tell them to watch their language or come back when they are sober "and we will talk". We have had to implement some policies when children are around, because we want the trailer to be a G-rated place for them during their "hangout time". We have never had to enforce these policies at this point, however. People usually watch their language when kids are around and if they come drunk, they usually don't stay long when kids are there.
People have told us that they feel accepted by us and others in the ministry and that they don't feel judged. One of our goals is to create a warm and accepting place in a church setting. Last October, we started a ministry on Friday nights, at a church across from the trailer park, that attempts to create such a place. We gather together for dinner and then have a short "God Talk". We then end with worship singing led by a young man who plays acoustic guitar. We debated at first if we should include singing, but so many of our friends who are addicts said they love that part the most. One man, who is not yet a believer, said he loves the music because it seems to "drive away the darkness." Although we haven't had very many people connected to the trailer park come check us out (around ten people have done so), we do have three men who come fairly consistently, including Jackson.
Like at the trailer, we have had people come drunk and high occasionally. Our goal is to communicate unconditional acceptance and belonging without judgement. Please don't get me wrong, we do not water down the gospel or teach a compromising message. We try and make the gospel clear every time we gather. It is our hope and prayer, though, that people will have an encounter with Jesus Christ and that they will eventually believe, receive Him as Savior, and then become a new creature in Christ. Becoming will only happen, however, through the power of the Holy Spirit conforming each person to the image of Christ from the inside out. But, even if they never believe and become, we want our friends always to feel like they belong.
Belong, Believe, Become. This is the model of church community that Jen Hatmaker and her husband adopted when they planted a church among the poor in Austin. Their story is very similar to my husband's and mine. Her book, Interrupted, was suggested to me by another blogger who read about our ministry. Jen's insights into ministry to the poor and to those in addictions are almost identical to those impressed upon my husband's and my heart.
So how do churches become safe for hurting people? We only have a few years of experience working with addicts, so we are far from being experts in this area. We have been learning a lot through trial and error and heavy dependence on the Holy Spirit. I do have some ideas I would like to share, but I'll do that in the next post :)
