Here's a video of Tim Keller speaking on how individuals and churches should respond to the poor. Keller lays out the social responsibilities of the church clearly and systematically. This is well worth watching/listening.
Tim Keller: The Gospel and the Poor: A Case for Compassion from Here's Life Inner City on Vimeo.
Showing posts with label Exhortation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Exhortation. Show all posts
Friday, August 12, 2011
Thursday, July 28, 2011
No Compromise: Remembering Keith Green
Keith was a popular Christian recording artist in the late '70's and early 80's. People give me surprised looks when I say "I was discipled by Keith Green after his death". But his passion and commitment to Christ have significantly affected my walk with God.
I came to know the Lord on September 4th, 1982. About a month later, I heard a choir perform The Easter Song (written by Ann Herring). The director said it was made popular by "the late Keith Green". After I heard the song, I became disheartened that he was "the late Keith Green", because the song was so beautiful, it seemed to have a transcendent quality. I decided I wanted to hear more of this man's work.
My youth pastor at the time, as well as many of my Christian friends, had an extensive Keith Green collection. I began listening to as much as I could get my hands on. When I got some babysitting or birthday money in my hot, little hand, I would go and purchase a cassette tape or record album.
Keith's music was different from other Christian music I listened to at the time. While worshipful and exalting the name of Christ, it called the listener to repentance and a life of radical obedience. Furthermore, it called the church to revival. He really was more than an musician, he was a prophet; not in the sense of predicting the future, but in calling and exhorting Christians to take their commitments to Christ seriously and live their faith.
Keith was delivered as a young adult, from a life of drugs and aimless, spiritual wandering, when he surrendered his life to Christ. He and his wife, Melody, came to Christ around the same time and immediately began following His commands to serve the poor and needy. They took homeless and drug addicted people into their home, fed and clothed them, gave them the gospel, and watched God deliver them through the discipleship process. The need for caring for these people eventually outgrew the capacity of their home and so they bought and rented additional homes on their block and continued their ministry to the disenfranchised.
During this time, Keith continued to develop his musical career. Initially, he had no desire to be recording music for a Christian audience. Eventually, through a series of events, he felt God leading him toward the Christian music industry. His first album, For Him Who Has Ears to Hear, became wildly popular with Christian listeners, eventually rising to the top of the Christian Music Association's charts.
His music was convicting, motivating, passionate and. . . stepped on toes -- especially songs like Asleep in the Light, which calls the church away from apathetic inaction in order to live out our call as Christians to love others sacrificially. Even though his songs were zealous and direct, somehow Christian listeners couldn't get enough of his message. Although he struggled with the balance of law and Gospel, sometimes even with a de-emphasis on grace, when I listened to him, I didn't feel condemned, as if he were better than I. Instead, I felt challenged to take my faith and commitment seriously by a fellow sojourner who was struggling to live out his own faith. It was as if he wasn't just speaking to his audience, he was speaking to himself as well.
Eventually Keith and Melody's ministry to the poor grew to the point where they needed to move. This decision lead them to buy several acres of ranch property in Texas. There they established the headquarters for their organization, Last Days Ministries. Along with the music & discipleship ministries, LDM also produced a monthly newsletter with articles written by Keith, Melody and other Christian leaders.
Eventually, Keith became burdened by the conviction that the Gospel should not have an attached price tag. Because of this, he asked to be released from his contract with Sparrow Records so that he could offer his albums for whatever price the listener could afford -- even if it was nothing. He also refused to charge admittance fees for his concerts.
The last year of his life, Keith and Melody became exposed to international missions through a European ministry tour they took together. This ignited a new passion for mobilizing the church to fulfill the Great Commission. I know songs like Go to the Hungry Ones , Open Your Eyes, Here am I, Send Me and Jesus Commands Us to Go had a significant impact on both my husband and me, helping to fuel our growing burden for the world.
Shortly before his death, Keith began to realize the importance of God's grace in his life, and his songs and message began to reflect this. Although I don't agree with all of his theology (he was more Arminian and I lean more toward Calvanism), I appreciate his transparent struggle in this area as communicated in his music.
Keith died in a private plane crash on a hot, summer day on the LDM property in Texas. He was 28 years old. Two of his children, Josiah, age 3 and Bethany, age 2 died with him. Melody, continued to lead LDM after his death. Only a few months later, she toured with the Keith Green Memorial Concert. Since the burden for missions was the last thing on Keith's heart right before he died, that was the emphasis of the concert. Loren Cunningham founder of Youth With a Mission described the event as "the largest missions challenge in history that I know of". God used the message of that concert tour to mobilize thousands of people to the foreign mission field.
Today, 34 years after the release of his first album and 29 years after his death, Keith's legacy continues through his music and message. Popular worship songs like O Lord You're Beautiful and There is a Redeemer (written by Melody Green) are still sung in churches today. Although I never knew him, I look forward to that moment in heaven when I will get to embrace one of my most influential spiritual fathers.
More about Keith's life and testimony can be found in the biography, No Compromise: The Life Story of Keith Green . You can also view the hour long video The Keith Green Story on Youtube. His music is available through the LDM store and on sites like Amazon.com.
Here is a recording of Rushing Wind, one of my favorite Keith Green songs.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
How Uncomfortable Do the Poor Make You Feel?
This is a great article from Compassion International. Its not too long and has some helpful insights.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
What If . . .
A friend of mine posted the following video on Facebook earlier this week. Given the topic of my previous post, I thought I would post it. It is a short video well worth watching.
Missions Discipleship
If you are more concerned about the future of your church than the future of the world, then your church has no future.
We had a missionary from Thailand share in church a few weeks ago about his work with Burmese national church planters. Afterwards, our pastor passed on the above quote. He heard it a pastor's conference he attended earlier this year. The timing of this was perfect as that previous week I had been burdened by what I have observed to be a lack of "discipleship in missions" in The Church in the past 15 years or so.
Side note: This happens so often lately that it is starting to amaze me. I will be burdened almost to the point of distraction about something. I'll talk and "process" it over and over again with my husband, pray about it and then our pastor will teach about it on Sunday. It’s as if God has been preparing my heart all week for "the Good Word" (as one pastor I know would say).
Moving on: My husband and I both came to Christ around the same time, in the early eighties. We didn't know each other at that time, in fact we lived in different states. During that time period, though, there must have been a surge in foreign missions (long term) or something, because both of us had experienced a missional emphasis as part of our discipleship experiences, the courses of which looked really similar.
Long term missionaries from foreign fields would come and do presentations, we would have missions conferences every year, "prayer letters" and "prayer cards" were openly displayed in the foyer (unless of course the missionary was in a "closed" country and needed anonymity), missions was discussed and emphasized both in our youth groups and from the pulpits.
Our youth pastors told us about missionary heroes like Jim and Elisabeth Elliot, William Carey, Mary Schlessor, Bruce Olson, and Hudson Taylor. Furthermore, they read missionary biographies and encouraged us to do the same. When we were college aged, we learned about those living in physical and spiritual poverty in the 10/40 window and were encouraged to pray for them. "Christmas in July" dinners were held to raise money for Christmas packages for missionaries over seas.
Although we both attended Conservative Baptist (CBA) churches, it wasn't just denominational missions that we were exposed to. We had missionaries from a variety of agencies at our church equally represented along with the demominational ones -- organizations like Wycliffe, Operational Mobilization, Frontiers, AIM, SEND, CAM, New Tribes, Compassion International, etc.
Both Eric and I feel that the expanded world view that missions discipleship offered us has lead to a deeper level of faith than we would have had if we not been discipled this way. We have observed this not only in our own walks with the Lord, but in the commitments of others in our former youth groups. When we look at members of our groups today, many if not most of them have strong relationships with the Lord. Some of them are serving in ministry and/or missions.
Knowing how God is working around the world and seeing others serve sacrificially – sometimes risking their lives for the Gospel -- has been inspiring, convicting and motivating. Missionaries set the example of the type of radical commitment God asks of all of us. I’m not saying that all of us are called to be missionaries, but I am saying that all of us are called to "count-the-cost" levels of obedience. This life is a vapor. The next is "ages to ages". Missionary examples encourage us to live with full abandon in light of the "ages to ages" and not settle for a satisfactory, comfortable "vapor".
When we were in high school, the short-term missions movement was just beginning to take off. I was in tenth grade when I first went to Mexico for a week to do evangelism. I think that this movement has had both positive and negative effects on the overall missions emphasis of the church. For myself and my husband, it has been significantly positive, mobilizing us into a life-time of vocational ministry, both pastoral and missional. In fact, we served as full time missionaries for 17 years with a short-term missions organization focusing on the border regions of Mexico (My husband worked in the administrative office. We lived stateside and commuted several times a year). When short-term missions serves to mobilize The Church toward long-term missions, it can have hugely positive effects.
What seems to have happened in the past 15-20 years, however, is that an emphasis on short-term missions has replaced an emphasis in long-term missions. I was surprised several years ago when I was sitting on a church missions committee whose members had never heard of some of the largest and most prominent long-term, missionary sending organizations in evangelical Christianity (I mentioned some of them above).
Additionally, when I go into churches today, I no longer see missionary prayer letters displayed. One person told me this was because displaying prayer letters was not "seeker friendly". I don’t think visitors are going to walk into a church, see missionary prayer letters and say "Uh oh! I’m outta here!" -- especially if they receive a welcome that is warm and accepting.
Another pastor mentioned that it disturbed the asthetics of the church to have prayer letters displayed. My mother-in-law’s church has opted to place prayer letters/cards in some decorative file folders in wall pockets with an individual missionary’s name printed on each one. These are displayed in the back of the foyer as an alternative to the former practice of displaying them openly on shelves in the entry way. Although I’m disappointed that they made this decision, at least the letters are available for members to take.
I attended a mega church in California for 14 years. Although I love this church and experienced significant growth while there, it bothered me that we had attended the church for 12 years before we knew the name of one single missionary family. This was rather ironic because it turned out that the church generously supported almost 50 missionary families! I discovered this when my husband and I, along with another couple, decided to facilitate a missions prayer meeting.
We received all of the financial statements along with the contact information of the missionaries. While the church was extremely generous with finacial support, they weren't as good about educating the congregation as a whole about who the long-term missionaries were. When I would visit the church's website, there was a missions page, but only short-term missions trip information on it. The missionary page was "coming soon" for about 4 years. When we were commissioned for our missionary service, we had one person come up to us and say "I didn't know there were full time missionaries anymore". Unfortunately, for a church of 8,000 people, we only had about 5 to 15 people attend our prayer meetings. When I visited last month, I noticed that they no longer have a missions pastor.
Question: I realize that my observations are based on my limited exposure to churches I am familiar with or had some involvement in. If my experience is representative of a larger trend, however, what can those of us who are more missions minded do?
Answer: We must be intentional and disciple ourselves and our children in missions – and not just denominational missions. God is at work around the world in powerful and amazing ways. If we just focus on what He is doing in our denomination, we will miss some incredible opportunities to worship and praise God for what He is doing through other agencies. We also miss out on the chance to pray for these agencies and the countries they serve in.
I’ll include practical ideas for missions discipleship in my next post. In the mean time, check out this Youtube video to see the reaction of one tribe in West Papua, Indonesia upon receiving a the New Testament translated into their language for the first time.
We had a missionary from Thailand share in church a few weeks ago about his work with Burmese national church planters. Afterwards, our pastor passed on the above quote. He heard it a pastor's conference he attended earlier this year. The timing of this was perfect as that previous week I had been burdened by what I have observed to be a lack of "discipleship in missions" in The Church in the past 15 years or so.
Side note: This happens so often lately that it is starting to amaze me. I will be burdened almost to the point of distraction about something. I'll talk and "process" it over and over again with my husband, pray about it and then our pastor will teach about it on Sunday. It’s as if God has been preparing my heart all week for "the Good Word" (as one pastor I know would say).
Moving on: My husband and I both came to Christ around the same time, in the early eighties. We didn't know each other at that time, in fact we lived in different states. During that time period, though, there must have been a surge in foreign missions (long term) or something, because both of us had experienced a missional emphasis as part of our discipleship experiences, the courses of which looked really similar.
Long term missionaries from foreign fields would come and do presentations, we would have missions conferences every year, "prayer letters" and "prayer cards" were openly displayed in the foyer (unless of course the missionary was in a "closed" country and needed anonymity), missions was discussed and emphasized both in our youth groups and from the pulpits.
Our youth pastors told us about missionary heroes like Jim and Elisabeth Elliot, William Carey, Mary Schlessor, Bruce Olson, and Hudson Taylor. Furthermore, they read missionary biographies and encouraged us to do the same. When we were college aged, we learned about those living in physical and spiritual poverty in the 10/40 window and were encouraged to pray for them. "Christmas in July" dinners were held to raise money for Christmas packages for missionaries over seas.
Although we both attended Conservative Baptist (CBA) churches, it wasn't just denominational missions that we were exposed to. We had missionaries from a variety of agencies at our church equally represented along with the demominational ones -- organizations like Wycliffe, Operational Mobilization, Frontiers, AIM, SEND, CAM, New Tribes, Compassion International, etc.
Both Eric and I feel that the expanded world view that missions discipleship offered us has lead to a deeper level of faith than we would have had if we not been discipled this way. We have observed this not only in our own walks with the Lord, but in the commitments of others in our former youth groups. When we look at members of our groups today, many if not most of them have strong relationships with the Lord. Some of them are serving in ministry and/or missions.
Knowing how God is working around the world and seeing others serve sacrificially – sometimes risking their lives for the Gospel -- has been inspiring, convicting and motivating. Missionaries set the example of the type of radical commitment God asks of all of us. I’m not saying that all of us are called to be missionaries, but I am saying that all of us are called to "count-the-cost" levels of obedience. This life is a vapor. The next is "ages to ages". Missionary examples encourage us to live with full abandon in light of the "ages to ages" and not settle for a satisfactory, comfortable "vapor".
When we were in high school, the short-term missions movement was just beginning to take off. I was in tenth grade when I first went to Mexico for a week to do evangelism. I think that this movement has had both positive and negative effects on the overall missions emphasis of the church. For myself and my husband, it has been significantly positive, mobilizing us into a life-time of vocational ministry, both pastoral and missional. In fact, we served as full time missionaries for 17 years with a short-term missions organization focusing on the border regions of Mexico (My husband worked in the administrative office. We lived stateside and commuted several times a year). When short-term missions serves to mobilize The Church toward long-term missions, it can have hugely positive effects.
What seems to have happened in the past 15-20 years, however, is that an emphasis on short-term missions has replaced an emphasis in long-term missions. I was surprised several years ago when I was sitting on a church missions committee whose members had never heard of some of the largest and most prominent long-term, missionary sending organizations in evangelical Christianity (I mentioned some of them above).
Additionally, when I go into churches today, I no longer see missionary prayer letters displayed. One person told me this was because displaying prayer letters was not "seeker friendly". I don’t think visitors are going to walk into a church, see missionary prayer letters and say "Uh oh! I’m outta here!" -- especially if they receive a welcome that is warm and accepting.
Another pastor mentioned that it disturbed the asthetics of the church to have prayer letters displayed. My mother-in-law’s church has opted to place prayer letters/cards in some decorative file folders in wall pockets with an individual missionary’s name printed on each one. These are displayed in the back of the foyer as an alternative to the former practice of displaying them openly on shelves in the entry way. Although I’m disappointed that they made this decision, at least the letters are available for members to take.
I attended a mega church in California for 14 years. Although I love this church and experienced significant growth while there, it bothered me that we had attended the church for 12 years before we knew the name of one single missionary family. This was rather ironic because it turned out that the church generously supported almost 50 missionary families! I discovered this when my husband and I, along with another couple, decided to facilitate a missions prayer meeting.
We received all of the financial statements along with the contact information of the missionaries. While the church was extremely generous with finacial support, they weren't as good about educating the congregation as a whole about who the long-term missionaries were. When I would visit the church's website, there was a missions page, but only short-term missions trip information on it. The missionary page was "coming soon" for about 4 years. When we were commissioned for our missionary service, we had one person come up to us and say "I didn't know there were full time missionaries anymore". Unfortunately, for a church of 8,000 people, we only had about 5 to 15 people attend our prayer meetings. When I visited last month, I noticed that they no longer have a missions pastor.
Question: I realize that my observations are based on my limited exposure to churches I am familiar with or had some involvement in. If my experience is representative of a larger trend, however, what can those of us who are more missions minded do?
Answer: We must be intentional and disciple ourselves and our children in missions – and not just denominational missions. God is at work around the world in powerful and amazing ways. If we just focus on what He is doing in our denomination, we will miss some incredible opportunities to worship and praise God for what He is doing through other agencies. We also miss out on the chance to pray for these agencies and the countries they serve in.
I’ll include practical ideas for missions discipleship in my next post. In the mean time, check out this Youtube video to see the reaction of one tribe in West Papua, Indonesia upon receiving a the New Testament translated into their language for the first time.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Shaun Groves, Hero of the Faith
I wanted to post a correspondence interview my friend, Christine, held with Shaun Groves, a recording artist and Compassion International employee. This man has a tremendous heart for the poor. I have heard him and his wife interviewed on podcasts this past year and he really is inspiring. He says in his blog profile that he is "helping Christians discover what they were saved for, and being a voice for children around the world, desperate to be saved from poverty." Thank you for being that voice, Shaun! Without further ado, here is Christine's interview with Shaun:
Glory to God: Shaun Groves, Hero of the Faith: "Today's post is about Shaun Groves , a stand-up guy and real hero of the faith. As I've mentioned before, he's a full-time Compassion Inte..."
Glory to God: Shaun Groves, Hero of the Faith: "Today's post is about Shaun Groves , a stand-up guy and real hero of the faith. As I've mentioned before, he's a full-time Compassion Inte..."
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
A Bleeding Man, A Spirit Led Church, and A Well Adjusted Morning
Eric and I were honored by a drop in visitor this morning. "Victor" is a young man in our community who we first got to know about a year ago. This is one relationship that I see the hand of God clearly directing. We first met Victor at Celebrate Recovery(CR) about a year ago. We had a brief conversation that evening, but we didn't see him after that because CR ended in our community a short while later.
Several months passed, and I saw Victor again. This time it was at a local motel where he was dropping off an application for employment. The motel owner is a friend of my mother's and I had dropped by to pick up a tea pot I had lent her. I recognized Victor's face, but was unable to place it, so I just smiled and said "hi".
About a month later, Victor was visiting a friend in the trailer park and, curious as to what we were doing there, stopped by our trailer. We again spoke briefly and then I began to connect the dots between CR and our run in at the motel. He shared with us that his girlfriend was pregnant and how excited he was about it. For some reason God was continually putting Victor in our path, although it was unclear to us at the time as to why. About a month later God gave us the "why".
We have been attending a church for the past year and a half that is more "Spirit led". When I say that, it doesn't mean it is chaotic, but our pastor is very sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit when it comes to the structure and flow of the Sunday service. This is a risky thing to do as a pastor. What if someone gets up and shares something unbiblical? What if things get out of hand? Our pastor doesn't view church as a performance, however and we love him for this. While he strives for excellence in planning the service, and does not do things "willy-nilly", he realizes the truth in the verse that says "The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." Proverbs 16:9 (ESV)
Well on one particular Sunday last July, I was sitting in my seat waiting for the service to start. After singing some worship songs, our pastor brought Victor up to the front of the church and introduced him. "Victor came this morning because he is in need of comfort and encouragement. He has a story to tell. Let's listen while he shares" I sat in my chair, mouth open, close to tears as Victor shared.
He wept as he told the story of losing his new born son to hydrocephalus ("water on the brain"). "Conner" had been born prematurely and because of that, he possessed a host of birth defects that threatened his life. He lived for 18 days in the neo-natal intensive care unit (NICU) two hours away in another town. Victor had a loose relationship with our church through one of the members, Kevin, who is the director of a community youth organization in our county. Other than Kevin and his wife, Victor knew no one at the church. What he did know was that he was grieving and needed comfort. We were so blessed that he chose to come to our church to find it.
Afterward, our pastor had people come up and pray for Victor. We resumed the rest of the service after that, however, the worship team looked a little different. Kevin was also the worship leader. He left his post so that he could sit next to Victor and continue to minister to him. What was odd about that was no one seemed to notice the absence of our worship leader. It wasn't until after worship was over that our pastor pointed it out. He used Victor's story as an example of priorities -- putting people over our pre-planned agendas. He mentioned that Kevin, our worship leader had a job to do -- lead worship. He had practiced and planned the service to go a certain way. What a beautiful reflection of the Spirit of God working in Kevin to be able to say, "There is a capable worship team up front who will be able to get a long with out me. Victor is more important than my plan. This is where I need to be right now."
Our pastor mentioned to Victor how grateful he was that he had come to the church in his grief. He made a comment something along the lines of the following: "Victor, I hope you do not take this the wrong way. We are so sorry for your loss. But I want you to know that you blessed us today by letting us minister to you. You gave us the opportunity to be the church to you."
That week I felt so privileged to be part of my church. I saw people come around Victor and his girlfriend, "Melissa". Kevin performed the funeral and had the opportunity to share the Gospel. We held the reception at the church and people helped provide a potluck lunch. One friend of mine, in retelling the story to a woman from another church said, "Our pastor let the young man bleed." He needed to bleed and the church was there to help him bandage the wound. Praise God!
After the Sunday service, I went up to Victor and re-introduced myself (my husband was speaking at another church). He had remembered me from the trailer. I gave him our contact information and told him to call my husband if he needed to talk. He called shortly there after and asked us if we would visit with him and Melissa in their home. We met with Victor and Melissa that week and have had the honor to be able to develop a friendship with them over the past year.
Victor comes almost every Friday for coffee and donuts at the trailer. He and his girlfriend just recently had another baby. Eric got a phone call one morning from Victor asking if he would baptize the baby. Although we don't do infant baptisms, Eric agreed to talk to our pastor to see if we could do a dedication. Last week, Victor asked Eric if he would marry him and Melissa. Eric said he would be honored. We start premarital sessions with them in three weeks.
Today would have been Conner's first birthday. I had planned for my morning to look a certain way. I was going to get some significant, long-overdue housework done before going to a Genesis Process counseling appointment. Eric had some paperwork to do as well. When Victor knocked on our door, it was a surprise to us both. We were so blessed that our friend would come by our house to talk on this significant day. On this day, there was no agenda on our schedule that was more important than him.
After Victor left, I mentioned to Eric how obvious the hand of God had been in designing this friendship. Multiple run-ins culminating in that church service. If our pastor had stuck to his agenda and hadn't "let him bleed", we probably wouldn't have the same relationship with Victor we have today. Our pastor could have bypassed the risk and put him on a prayer chain instead of letting him publicly share -- a name without a face that may have tugged at our mommy and daddy hearts and gotten a few days worth of our prayers, but no personal contact. However, that event last July led to many more contacts with Victor, all culminating in today's visit.
Please pray for Victor and Melissa. They are grieving the loss of their little one still and the anniversary of his death is just few weeks away. Please pray that they will lean heavily on Jesus during this time and receive His peace and comfort.
Several months passed, and I saw Victor again. This time it was at a local motel where he was dropping off an application for employment. The motel owner is a friend of my mother's and I had dropped by to pick up a tea pot I had lent her. I recognized Victor's face, but was unable to place it, so I just smiled and said "hi".
About a month later, Victor was visiting a friend in the trailer park and, curious as to what we were doing there, stopped by our trailer. We again spoke briefly and then I began to connect the dots between CR and our run in at the motel. He shared with us that his girlfriend was pregnant and how excited he was about it. For some reason God was continually putting Victor in our path, although it was unclear to us at the time as to why. About a month later God gave us the "why".
We have been attending a church for the past year and a half that is more "Spirit led". When I say that, it doesn't mean it is chaotic, but our pastor is very sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit when it comes to the structure and flow of the Sunday service. This is a risky thing to do as a pastor. What if someone gets up and shares something unbiblical? What if things get out of hand? Our pastor doesn't view church as a performance, however and we love him for this. While he strives for excellence in planning the service, and does not do things "willy-nilly", he realizes the truth in the verse that says "The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." Proverbs 16:9 (ESV)
Well on one particular Sunday last July, I was sitting in my seat waiting for the service to start. After singing some worship songs, our pastor brought Victor up to the front of the church and introduced him. "Victor came this morning because he is in need of comfort and encouragement. He has a story to tell. Let's listen while he shares" I sat in my chair, mouth open, close to tears as Victor shared.
He wept as he told the story of losing his new born son to hydrocephalus ("water on the brain"). "Conner" had been born prematurely and because of that, he possessed a host of birth defects that threatened his life. He lived for 18 days in the neo-natal intensive care unit (NICU) two hours away in another town. Victor had a loose relationship with our church through one of the members, Kevin, who is the director of a community youth organization in our county. Other than Kevin and his wife, Victor knew no one at the church. What he did know was that he was grieving and needed comfort. We were so blessed that he chose to come to our church to find it.
Afterward, our pastor had people come up and pray for Victor. We resumed the rest of the service after that, however, the worship team looked a little different. Kevin was also the worship leader. He left his post so that he could sit next to Victor and continue to minister to him. What was odd about that was no one seemed to notice the absence of our worship leader. It wasn't until after worship was over that our pastor pointed it out. He used Victor's story as an example of priorities -- putting people over our pre-planned agendas. He mentioned that Kevin, our worship leader had a job to do -- lead worship. He had practiced and planned the service to go a certain way. What a beautiful reflection of the Spirit of God working in Kevin to be able to say, "There is a capable worship team up front who will be able to get a long with out me. Victor is more important than my plan. This is where I need to be right now."
Our pastor mentioned to Victor how grateful he was that he had come to the church in his grief. He made a comment something along the lines of the following: "Victor, I hope you do not take this the wrong way. We are so sorry for your loss. But I want you to know that you blessed us today by letting us minister to you. You gave us the opportunity to be the church to you."
That week I felt so privileged to be part of my church. I saw people come around Victor and his girlfriend, "Melissa". Kevin performed the funeral and had the opportunity to share the Gospel. We held the reception at the church and people helped provide a potluck lunch. One friend of mine, in retelling the story to a woman from another church said, "Our pastor let the young man bleed." He needed to bleed and the church was there to help him bandage the wound. Praise God!
After the Sunday service, I went up to Victor and re-introduced myself (my husband was speaking at another church). He had remembered me from the trailer. I gave him our contact information and told him to call my husband if he needed to talk. He called shortly there after and asked us if we would visit with him and Melissa in their home. We met with Victor and Melissa that week and have had the honor to be able to develop a friendship with them over the past year.
Victor comes almost every Friday for coffee and donuts at the trailer. He and his girlfriend just recently had another baby. Eric got a phone call one morning from Victor asking if he would baptize the baby. Although we don't do infant baptisms, Eric agreed to talk to our pastor to see if we could do a dedication. Last week, Victor asked Eric if he would marry him and Melissa. Eric said he would be honored. We start premarital sessions with them in three weeks.
Today would have been Conner's first birthday. I had planned for my morning to look a certain way. I was going to get some significant, long-overdue housework done before going to a Genesis Process counseling appointment. Eric had some paperwork to do as well. When Victor knocked on our door, it was a surprise to us both. We were so blessed that our friend would come by our house to talk on this significant day. On this day, there was no agenda on our schedule that was more important than him.
After Victor left, I mentioned to Eric how obvious the hand of God had been in designing this friendship. Multiple run-ins culminating in that church service. If our pastor had stuck to his agenda and hadn't "let him bleed", we probably wouldn't have the same relationship with Victor we have today. Our pastor could have bypassed the risk and put him on a prayer chain instead of letting him publicly share -- a name without a face that may have tugged at our mommy and daddy hearts and gotten a few days worth of our prayers, but no personal contact. However, that event last July led to many more contacts with Victor, all culminating in today's visit.
Please pray for Victor and Melissa. They are grieving the loss of their little one still and the anniversary of his death is just few weeks away. Please pray that they will lean heavily on Jesus during this time and receive His peace and comfort.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Making Churches Safe for Hurting People: A Profile of a Safe Church
Based on my limited experience working with those struggling with chemical dependency addictions and those living in generational poverty, I believe there are many things that we as a church can do to help make our fellowships safe for hurting people (no matter what their socio-economic backgrounds – there are a lot of hurting people in the middle and upper classes too, especially in the clergy-- we just tend to hide it more). I will list these below and then elaborate on some of these in further posts.
Safe Churches are made up of people who . . .
1) Listen, with hearts of compassion, to people’s stories without condemnation and judgement.
2) Recognize themselves as sinners by comparing themselves to a holy God rather than comparing themselves to other people. Safe churches include people who are humble and authentic – willing to share their weaknesses and struggles. These churches include people who readily apologize for misunderstandings or wrongs done. Safe churches model what brokenness looks like by being broken themselves.
3) Have become educated about the neurochemistry of addictions in order to learn how difficult they are to overcome.
4) Get to know people. They spend time with them,“hang out” with them and step outside the cultural comfort zone to develop intentional friendships. People in safe churches avoid viewing hurting people as projects that need fixing.
5) Are accepting. They allow people to be in process and are patient with the process (belong, believe, become). They let the Holy Spirit do His work
6) Are flexible and patient with the children. They get to know them and are patient with misbehavior. They model a spirit of gentleness by speaking kindly when correction is necessary. They encourage other church members to do the same.
7) Have become aware of the culture of different classes – generational poverty, middle class, upper class – inorder to learn the hidden rules that shape our social interactions and expectations.
8) Encourage church members to volunteer with local non-profits who help the poor, addicted, or disenfranchised.
9) Have come to the realization that it is actually the church's job not just to care about hurting people (by writing a check or donating to a food closet) but to know hurting people (by spending time together as friends)
10) Visit or write to inmates in jail or patients in treatment. They accompany them to hearings and trials. They show they care.
11) Are available for transportation, childcare, phone calls, etc.
12) Form “Treatment and Recovery Teams” to offer logistical and prayer support for individuals in treatment centers and their families.
13) Believe in people. They encourage them and expect them to succeed. They are cheerleaders and advocates for them, both to their faces and behind their backs.
14) Form support teams of men and women to help single mothers and the elderly with yard work, auto repair, child care, home repairs, etc.
15) Are willing to be a mentor to a child or teen – especially fatherless ones.
16) Encourage people to pursue their educational and career goals and provide support and encouragement along the way (childcare, transportation, resume writing, tutoring, etc.). They throw a party when someone completes an educational goal (eg. a GED graduation party).
17) Give people who are receiving blessings from the church, also the opportunity to serve.
18) Are willing to dress casually on Sundays, realizing that many people in generational poverty do not have professional wardrobes and will not feel accepted if their manner of dress makes them stand out. This, of course, is a personal decision for each person to make and some are not comfortable "dressing down" on Sunday. Please search the scriptures, however, and decide if this is a cultural value or a Biblical one.
19) Do not muddy the line between “justification” and “sanctification” by teaching a works-based salvation. But instead give a clear gospel of grace through faith in Christ Jesus.
Safe Churches are made up of people who . . .
1) Listen, with hearts of compassion, to people’s stories without condemnation and judgement.
2) Recognize themselves as sinners by comparing themselves to a holy God rather than comparing themselves to other people. Safe churches include people who are humble and authentic – willing to share their weaknesses and struggles. These churches include people who readily apologize for misunderstandings or wrongs done. Safe churches model what brokenness looks like by being broken themselves.
3) Have become educated about the neurochemistry of addictions in order to learn how difficult they are to overcome.
4) Get to know people. They spend time with them,“hang out” with them and step outside the cultural comfort zone to develop intentional friendships. People in safe churches avoid viewing hurting people as projects that need fixing.
5) Are accepting. They allow people to be in process and are patient with the process (belong, believe, become). They let the Holy Spirit do His work
6) Are flexible and patient with the children. They get to know them and are patient with misbehavior. They model a spirit of gentleness by speaking kindly when correction is necessary. They encourage other church members to do the same.
7) Have become aware of the culture of different classes – generational poverty, middle class, upper class – inorder to learn the hidden rules that shape our social interactions and expectations.
8) Encourage church members to volunteer with local non-profits who help the poor, addicted, or disenfranchised.
9) Have come to the realization that it is actually the church's job not just to care about hurting people (by writing a check or donating to a food closet) but to know hurting people (by spending time together as friends)
10) Visit or write to inmates in jail or patients in treatment. They accompany them to hearings and trials. They show they care.
11) Are available for transportation, childcare, phone calls, etc.
12) Form “Treatment and Recovery Teams” to offer logistical and prayer support for individuals in treatment centers and their families.
13) Believe in people. They encourage them and expect them to succeed. They are cheerleaders and advocates for them, both to their faces and behind their backs.
14) Form support teams of men and women to help single mothers and the elderly with yard work, auto repair, child care, home repairs, etc.
15) Are willing to be a mentor to a child or teen – especially fatherless ones.
16) Encourage people to pursue their educational and career goals and provide support and encouragement along the way (childcare, transportation, resume writing, tutoring, etc.). They throw a party when someone completes an educational goal (eg. a GED graduation party).
17) Give people who are receiving blessings from the church, also the opportunity to serve.
18) Are willing to dress casually on Sundays, realizing that many people in generational poverty do not have professional wardrobes and will not feel accepted if their manner of dress makes them stand out. This, of course, is a personal decision for each person to make and some are not comfortable "dressing down" on Sunday. Please search the scriptures, however, and decide if this is a cultural value or a Biblical one.
19) Do not muddy the line between “justification” and “sanctification” by teaching a works-based salvation. But instead give a clear gospel of grace through faith in Christ Jesus.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Making Churches Safe For Hurting People: Walk a Mile
As a recovering pharisee, I began to see the need to start bridging the gap between my churchy, self-righteous, "looking-down-my-nose-at-those people" self and unbelievers. A few years ago, I prayed three prayers that changed my life:
1. I prayed for God to give me a burden for those who didn’t know Him personally
2. I prayed that God would give me eyes to see the needs around me and direct me how to meet those needs
3. I prayed that the light of Christ would enter a low-income trailer park here in town (450 police calls a year are directed to this trailer park)
As I began to pray these prayers, God began to bring friends into my life who were either addicted to drugs/alcohol or in recovery for these addictions. As I got to know these friends, God gave me a tremendous burden for their situations. All of them were living in poverty. Many were single moms. Most of them were victims of some form of horrific form of childhood abuse and some suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder .
Shane Claiborne (I'm not necessarily endorsing his theology or his politics, but I admire his heart for and service to the poor) quotes:
I asked participants who claimed to be 'strong followers of Jesus' whether Jesus spent time with the poor. Nearly 80 percent said yes. Later in the survey, I sneaked in another question, I asked this same group of strong followers whether they spent time with the poor, and less than 2 percent said they did. I learned a powerful lesson: We can admire and worship Jesus without doing what he did. We can applaud what he preached and stood for without caring about the same things. We can adore his cross without taking up ours. I had come to see that the great tragedy of the church is not that rich Christians do not care about the poor but that rich Christians do not know the poor. (Emphasis mine)
This was certainly true of me until about 5 years ago, when we began ministry in the trailer park. Before this, when I saw drug addicts or homeless people or others in difficult situations, I would have an ambivalent, apathetic attitude at best and at worst, (I'm ashamed to admit) have a “he’s made his bed, let him lie in it" kind of attitude. Rarely would I have compassion or wonder what kind of obstacles or upbringing may have led to the poor decisions that resulted in self destructive behavior. In other words, I kind of assumed that all playing fields were equal and, furthermore, that everyone had the home court advantage. If I had really thought about it, I wouldn't have come to this conclusion, of course, but I never got past my snap judgments to really think about it.
Getting to know someone in a difficult situation can bring about a sympathy that changes your perspective. For example:
I never dreamed that some addicts were first introduced to drugs by their parents, one I know was as young as age 9. The first time I heard of this I was shocked and figured it must be a rare thing. However, this is a story we are beginning to hear more often.
I never imagined that many of our friends have parents who are currently addicts as well. One man I know recounted to me generations of addiction and crime. Seven members of his family have died within the last 10 years – 6 from drug overdoses. He can name only 2 people in his family that are “clean” – and one of them has been in recovery for a number of years.
I never knew that many, if not most, of these dear friends have been victims of hard core sexual and physical abuse by their parents, both biological and step – until I listened to their stories. Some of the most difficult abuse stories I’ve heard involve mothers not protecting their children from their abusive husbands or boyfriends. Additionally, a few people we know were abandoned by one or both parents when they were in their early teens. One young man was on his own, on the streets, by the age of 12.
I didn't know that most of them stay in unhealthy, dysfunctional friendships because that is where they feel loved, accepted and not judged.
I didn’t realize that more than half have not complete high school. One person we know dropped out in the 9th grade when she became pregnant with her first child. I’ve stopped asking the question “What year did you graduate?”
I didn’t realize that most of the couples we know with kids are not married. In fact, the system is set up to discourage marriage –as a single mom with kids, if you get married, you run the risk of your welfare benefits being cut. I’m not saying this is right or wrong. I’m just trying to provide an explanation as to why marriage can be a much bigger risk for someone in a lower-income class than it is for someone in the middle class.
Eric married some friends of ours last summer who have 4 kids and had been together since they were preteens/teenagers – 17 years.
I already mentioned the number of people we know who were raised by single mothers – most of these situations included one or more step fathers/boyfriends.
A high percentage of the people whose stories we’ve heard include at least one, if not a combination of these disadvantages.
I began to ask myself. If I had had just one of these factors as part of my upbringing where would I be? Please don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to excuse substance abuse or other criminal behavior or say "well its okay because there was abuse or neglect in the family". I am however attempting to offer an explanation to those from similar backgrounds such as mine as to why someone might become addicted to drugs, alcohol, etc. It would be arrogant of me to think that, despite the above obstacles, I would be in the safe, stable, healthy environments I have been in all my life. I began to take inventory of my life's resources.
Let’s see:
-a loving, two parent (biological, no steps) home free of abuse
-parents who were clean and sober
-parents who loved each other
-a stable extended family
-plenty of healthy role models in family and friends
-parents who were educated and valued education
-a print-rich environment
-a home with predictable routines and limits
-a private Christian high school education
-a private Christian college education (mostly paid for by my parents)
-graduate school
-a loving, faithful, committed, Christian, non-abusive husband
-a Christian upbringing and mostly positive church experiences
-receiving Christ as my Savior as a young teenager.
-healthy, supportive friends
-parents who taught abstinence
I could go on and on, with the number of positive resources that were available to me both as a child and as an adult. I have been blessed in so many ways that others we know could never imagine. As a result of this beneficial upbringing, I have never tried drugs or smoked a cigarette in my life (although as a kid, my dad did let me take a puff once or twice off his cigar and tobacco pipe). And although I have tried alcohol (beer and wine) in small amounts, I have never been drunk. Furthermore, the only man I have ever kissed or slept with is my husband.
At first my “squeaky clean” upbringing kept me from feeling qualified to even attempt ministering to addicts and those with criminal backgrounds. What could I offer someone who has had such a difficult life? I thought someone from an addictive background would write me off immediately. What I have found is exactly the opposite. Addicts, recovering addicts, and felons are the most accepting group of people I have ever met. I'm serious. While I could never identify with the pain and difficulty that my friends have experienced, just being open in the areas I do struggle with and not condemning them for their areas of current and past struggle has helped bridge the gap between our different backgrounds -- friends and fellow sinners each on with our own issues to work out, on the journey together.
1. I prayed for God to give me a burden for those who didn’t know Him personally
2. I prayed that God would give me eyes to see the needs around me and direct me how to meet those needs
3. I prayed that the light of Christ would enter a low-income trailer park here in town (450 police calls a year are directed to this trailer park)
As I began to pray these prayers, God began to bring friends into my life who were either addicted to drugs/alcohol or in recovery for these addictions. As I got to know these friends, God gave me a tremendous burden for their situations. All of them were living in poverty. Many were single moms. Most of them were victims of some form of horrific form of childhood abuse and some suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder .
Shane Claiborne (I'm not necessarily endorsing his theology or his politics, but I admire his heart for and service to the poor) quotes:
I asked participants who claimed to be 'strong followers of Jesus' whether Jesus spent time with the poor. Nearly 80 percent said yes. Later in the survey, I sneaked in another question, I asked this same group of strong followers whether they spent time with the poor, and less than 2 percent said they did. I learned a powerful lesson: We can admire and worship Jesus without doing what he did. We can applaud what he preached and stood for without caring about the same things. We can adore his cross without taking up ours. I had come to see that the great tragedy of the church is not that rich Christians do not care about the poor but that rich Christians do not know the poor. (Emphasis mine)
This was certainly true of me until about 5 years ago, when we began ministry in the trailer park. Before this, when I saw drug addicts or homeless people or others in difficult situations, I would have an ambivalent, apathetic attitude at best and at worst, (I'm ashamed to admit) have a “he’s made his bed, let him lie in it" kind of attitude. Rarely would I have compassion or wonder what kind of obstacles or upbringing may have led to the poor decisions that resulted in self destructive behavior. In other words, I kind of assumed that all playing fields were equal and, furthermore, that everyone had the home court advantage. If I had really thought about it, I wouldn't have come to this conclusion, of course, but I never got past my snap judgments to really think about it.
Getting to know someone in a difficult situation can bring about a sympathy that changes your perspective. For example:
I never dreamed that some addicts were first introduced to drugs by their parents, one I know was as young as age 9. The first time I heard of this I was shocked and figured it must be a rare thing. However, this is a story we are beginning to hear more often.
I never imagined that many of our friends have parents who are currently addicts as well. One man I know recounted to me generations of addiction and crime. Seven members of his family have died within the last 10 years – 6 from drug overdoses. He can name only 2 people in his family that are “clean” – and one of them has been in recovery for a number of years.
I never knew that many, if not most, of these dear friends have been victims of hard core sexual and physical abuse by their parents, both biological and step – until I listened to their stories. Some of the most difficult abuse stories I’ve heard involve mothers not protecting their children from their abusive husbands or boyfriends. Additionally, a few people we know were abandoned by one or both parents when they were in their early teens. One young man was on his own, on the streets, by the age of 12.
I didn't know that most of them stay in unhealthy, dysfunctional friendships because that is where they feel loved, accepted and not judged.
I didn’t realize that more than half have not complete high school. One person we know dropped out in the 9th grade when she became pregnant with her first child. I’ve stopped asking the question “What year did you graduate?”
I didn’t realize that most of the couples we know with kids are not married. In fact, the system is set up to discourage marriage –as a single mom with kids, if you get married, you run the risk of your welfare benefits being cut. I’m not saying this is right or wrong. I’m just trying to provide an explanation as to why marriage can be a much bigger risk for someone in a lower-income class than it is for someone in the middle class.
Eric married some friends of ours last summer who have 4 kids and had been together since they were preteens/teenagers – 17 years.
I already mentioned the number of people we know who were raised by single mothers – most of these situations included one or more step fathers/boyfriends.
A high percentage of the people whose stories we’ve heard include at least one, if not a combination of these disadvantages.
I began to ask myself. If I had had just one of these factors as part of my upbringing where would I be? Please don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to excuse substance abuse or other criminal behavior or say "well its okay because there was abuse or neglect in the family". I am however attempting to offer an explanation to those from similar backgrounds such as mine as to why someone might become addicted to drugs, alcohol, etc. It would be arrogant of me to think that, despite the above obstacles, I would be in the safe, stable, healthy environments I have been in all my life. I began to take inventory of my life's resources.
Let’s see:
-a loving, two parent (biological, no steps) home free of abuse
-parents who were clean and sober
-parents who loved each other
-a stable extended family
-plenty of healthy role models in family and friends
-parents who were educated and valued education
-a print-rich environment
-a home with predictable routines and limits
-a private Christian high school education
-a private Christian college education (mostly paid for by my parents)
-graduate school
-a loving, faithful, committed, Christian, non-abusive husband
-a Christian upbringing and mostly positive church experiences
-receiving Christ as my Savior as a young teenager.
-healthy, supportive friends
-parents who taught abstinence
I could go on and on, with the number of positive resources that were available to me both as a child and as an adult. I have been blessed in so many ways that others we know could never imagine. As a result of this beneficial upbringing, I have never tried drugs or smoked a cigarette in my life (although as a kid, my dad did let me take a puff once or twice off his cigar and tobacco pipe). And although I have tried alcohol (beer and wine) in small amounts, I have never been drunk. Furthermore, the only man I have ever kissed or slept with is my husband.
At first my “squeaky clean” upbringing kept me from feeling qualified to even attempt ministering to addicts and those with criminal backgrounds. What could I offer someone who has had such a difficult life? I thought someone from an addictive background would write me off immediately. What I have found is exactly the opposite. Addicts, recovering addicts, and felons are the most accepting group of people I have ever met. I'm serious. While I could never identify with the pain and difficulty that my friends have experienced, just being open in the areas I do struggle with and not condemning them for their areas of current and past struggle has helped bridge the gap between our different backgrounds -- friends and fellow sinners each on with our own issues to work out, on the journey together.
Making Churches Safe For Hurting People: The Musings of a Recovering Pharisee
My husband was speaking at a church a while back and a woman he met there relayed this story to him. Although the main details of this story are true, I've taken the liberty to change the names and to fill in some of the minor details in order to add continuity to the story. It illustrates the "behave, believe, belong" model of church community I referred to in my previous post.
"Dawn" was excited about bringing "Karen" to her women's Bible study. Karen was not the church going type. She was a recovering addict and she'd lived a hard life. Dawn had to do a lot of convincing to get her to come tonight. As Karen entered the church building, she seemed nervous. Dawn could sense her discomfort and reassured her that this group of ladies would warmly welcome her into their gathering. As the two women found seats in the circle of women beginning to gather, Dawn noticed the woman sitting next to Karen begin to fidget in her chair. The woman turned her head toward Karen, gave her a quick glare, and then let out a big sigh.
Dawn was flabbergasted. What would posses this woman to respond to Karen that way? She hoped and prayed that this woman's actions had gone unnoticed by her friend. However, this hope was short lived. Dawn was horrified only moments later when this woman turned her head toward Karen, gave a couple of sniffs, raised her eyebrows and, with a sneering,condescending tone of voice said, "You smoke don't you?"
"Why . . . why . . . yes . . . I do," replied Karen.
There was no next time. Ashamed, Karen never returned to the Bible study.
Honestly I don't know what motivated this woman to act the way she did. She probably had some preconceived ideas about the "kind of woman" Karen was. Along with these preconceived ideas, probably came some assumptions as to how she got there. She may have looked to herself and said "Well I've made good choices. I went to college, chose Jesus as my savior, have lived a clean life, have a good job, don't do drugs, drink, smoke, commit crimes, etc. This lady really needs to get her act together. If she just cleaned up her act, she'd have a better life and not live like this."
"Dawn" was excited about bringing "Karen" to her women's Bible study. Karen was not the church going type. She was a recovering addict and she'd lived a hard life. Dawn had to do a lot of convincing to get her to come tonight. As Karen entered the church building, she seemed nervous. Dawn could sense her discomfort and reassured her that this group of ladies would warmly welcome her into their gathering. As the two women found seats in the circle of women beginning to gather, Dawn noticed the woman sitting next to Karen begin to fidget in her chair. The woman turned her head toward Karen, gave her a quick glare, and then let out a big sigh.
Dawn was flabbergasted. What would posses this woman to respond to Karen that way? She hoped and prayed that this woman's actions had gone unnoticed by her friend. However, this hope was short lived. Dawn was horrified only moments later when this woman turned her head toward Karen, gave a couple of sniffs, raised her eyebrows and, with a sneering,condescending tone of voice said, "You smoke don't you?"
"Why . . . why . . . yes . . . I do," replied Karen.
"Well, you may not want to do so before the next time you come to Bible Study," the woman retorted.
There was no next time. Ashamed, Karen never returned to the Bible study.
Honestly I don't know what motivated this woman to act the way she did. She probably had some preconceived ideas about the "kind of woman" Karen was. Along with these preconceived ideas, probably came some assumptions as to how she got there. She may have looked to herself and said "Well I've made good choices. I went to college, chose Jesus as my savior, have lived a clean life, have a good job, don't do drugs, drink, smoke, commit crimes, etc. This lady really needs to get her act together. If she just cleaned up her act, she'd have a better life and not live like this."
I can only attempt a guess at what was going through her mind, but I think my guess is probably "spot on", because that's where I was about 5 years ago. That's right, my name is Katherine and I'm a "recovering pharisee*" (this is the point where you say "hi Katherine").
A few months ago, my husband and I participated in a training seminar for a relapse prevention program called The Genesis Process. In this training, the author and presenter, Michael Dye, made a statement that has been resonating in my brain ever since: "As churches we need to become safe places for hurting people." Unfortunately, many of the people we know have been wounded by some church experience in their past, and are very hesitant to try again.
In the course of his presentation, Michael mentioned that 90% of all addictions are caused by relationships. He went on to say, that establishing healthy relationships is the most important component those in self-destructive behaviors need in order to be restored to "a former healthy state". In other words, relationships caused the damage and healthy relationships are the key to healing the damage. Along the same lines, in her book, A Framework for Understanding Poverty, Ruby Payne, states that the one of the key bridges out of poverty is through relationships and role models.
Last December, I was volunteering at a discount community Christmas store that was a joint effort between our ministry,and other local churches, non-profits and government agencies to help provide Christmas gifts to low income families. One day, one of the ladies, "Katrina," who I knew from the trailer park came in. She had just gotten out of jail and was perusing the Bibles we had in our "free" section. She mentioned to me that she had been studying the Bible in jail and would like to get involved in a Bible study or church. "I've got to find some healthy friends" she said.
When push came to shove, however, she was reluctant to try any of the Bible studies or churches I recommended to her. "Those just sound so intimidating," she said. I offered to study the Bible with her on a one-on-one basis and she seemed interested, but then she moved out of town a few days later. She did contact me after a while and ask me if I knew of any Bible studies in the area she had moved to. I put her in contact with a local pastor I personally knew in her town. I don't believe she has contacted him, though.
This conversation got me thinking. If Katrina feels too intimidated to even try a local church or Bible study, where is she going to meet healthy people? Many friends we have met in her situation have not graduated from high school or completed the requirements for their GED. Unfortunately this often limits them to jobs where other addicts are employed. We have heard many times of situations where one co-worker convinces another to go drinking or using after work. The temptation is especially true if the person is employed in the restaurant industry, since most sit-down restaurants serve alcohol.
One of the requirements in The Genesis Process relapse prevention program is church attendance. In addition to small group accountability and a 12-step program (like Alcoholics Anonymous or Celebrate Recovery), church attendance is part of the strategy to build healthy relationships, both with others and with God. So herein lies the dilemma: given the example of Karen above, if healthy relationships are essential for healing, and if churches aren't safe for addicts, how are they (addicts) ever going to meet healthy people and be in true recovery ("returning to a former, healthy state")? Alcoholics Anonymous is doing a wonderful job of providing a safe place for addicts and connecting them with a "higher power". I'm very, very supportive of AA. But who is going to connect them to God through a relationship with Jesus?
They need us, Church! Are we going to be there for them if they come, with all the mess complications involved? Or are we going to remain distant, entrenched in the self-righteous piety that has kept us safe, but paralyzed from being able to make a real difference in lives of the disenfranchised? Furthermore, will we be patient with the process or will we demand the destination? Moreover, are we willing to pray and consider going where they are and reach into their world?
A local pastor who took the Genesis Process counselor training said he felt like putting up a big banner across his church sign that said "Addicts Welcome!". I love that sentiment and his church has a number of recovering addicts who attend, so he must be doing something right. But it will take more than a sign in order for that statement to be true in some churches. I'll continue sharing my ideas about how to make churches safe for hurting people in further posts.
*Credit given to Michael Dye for the term "Recovering Pharisee"
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Making Churches Safe for Hurting People: Belong, Believe, Become
When I met "Jackson" we were in the middle of remodeling a trashed neglected trailer in a local trailer park in which we currently minister. We were in the process of establishing a ministry center out of which we could meet the needs of this part of our community. There are over 450 police calls each year to this part of town which is quite a bit for our small town of 9,000 people. Many of the residents either currently struggle with or are in recovery for some sort of chemical dependancy addiction. When Jackson stopped by the trailer, my mother and I were just cleaning up our paint supplies and calling it a day.
"Hi, I'm Jackson. He cheerfully greeted us, hand extended. You are doing a lot of work here. Are you guys just moving in?" When I explained the purpose of what we were doing, he raised his eyebrows, put both hands out in front of him (in a "stop" gesture) and took two steps back. "I'm not the 'churchy' type", he said. "That's ok with me," I said, "but can we still be friends?" At this statement, his whole body relaxed, his cheerful demeanor returned and he said "Sure! Do you want my cell phone number?"
Thus was the beginning of a friendship between Jackson and my husband and I that began a little over a year ago and has continued to grow. As we have gotten to know Jackson, I can understand why he was resistant to "churchy" things. He had a previous church experience that had been very negative. Instead of reaching out to him in love, he was rejected by some people there and asked not to come back.
The church he left was under what Jen Hatmaker refers to as the "Behave, Believe, Belong" model of church community. In this model, people are expected to behave first, regardless as to whether or not they believe in Christ and have "signed on" to moral accountability that comes with a personal relationship with God. Behaving may lead to belief which in turn leads to belonging to the group. What's very clear about this paradigm is that a person will never belong unless they behave.
One of the burdens we have for the friends we have made in the trailer park is for them to get connected to a local church. This is especially true for both the addicts and the recovering addicts that we know. Many of them have told us that we are the only stable friends they have. In order to be successful in their recovery, though, they need to develop a new cirlcle of friends -- healthy friends who will support them in their recovery and not try to sabbatoge it by tempting them to use drugs or alcohol.
We have invited and invited and invited and had many promises made to us about going to church on Sunday. Very rarely is there any follow through, however. We have had a few people level with us and say that they are simply afraid of being judged or not being accepted. Regardless of how much I assure them that my church isn't like that, at a basic, subconscious level, that fear is stronger than anything I can say to convince them otherwise, and Satan capitalizes on it.
We will have people drop by the trailer often, especially on Friday mornings for coffee and donuts. Occaisionally they are drunk or high. Frequently they use choice words in the the course of conversation. We do not tell them to watch their language or come back when they are sober "and we will talk". We have had to implement some policies when children are around, because we want the trailer to be a G-rated place for them during their "hangout time". We have never had to enforce these policies at this point, however. People usually watch their language when kids are around and if they come drunk, they usually don't stay long when kids are there.
People have told us that they feel accepted by us and others in the ministry and that they don't feel judged. One of our goals is to create a warm and accepting place in a church setting. Last October, we started a ministry on Friday nights, at a church across from the trailer park, that attempts to create such a place. We gather together for dinner and then have a short "God Talk". We then end with worship singing led by a young man who plays acoustic guitar. We debated at first if we should include singing, but so many of our friends who are addicts said they love that part the most. One man, who is not yet a believer, said he loves the music because it seems to "drive away the darkness." Although we haven't had very many people connected to the trailer park come check us out (around ten people have done so), we do have three men who come fairly consistently, including Jackson.
Like at the trailer, we have had people come drunk and high occasionally. Our goal is to communicate unconditional acceptance and belonging without judgement. Please don't get me wrong, we do not water down the gospel or teach a compromising message. We try and make the gospel clear every time we gather. It is our hope and prayer, though, that people will have an encounter with Jesus Christ and that they will eventually believe, receive Him as Savior, and then become a new creature in Christ. Becoming will only happen, however, through the power of the Holy Spirit conforming each person to the image of Christ from the inside out. But, even if they never believe and become, we want our friends always to feel like they belong.
Belong, Believe, Become. This is the model of church community that Jen Hatmaker and her husband adopted when they planted a church among the poor in Austin. Their story is very similar to my husband's and mine. Her book, Interrupted, was suggested to me by another blogger who read about our ministry. Jen's insights into ministry to the poor and to those in addictions are almost identical to those impressed upon my husband's and my heart.
So how do churches become safe for hurting people? We only have a few years of experience working with addicts, so we are far from being experts in this area. We have been learning a lot through trial and error and heavy dependence on the Holy Spirit. I do have some ideas I would like to share, but I'll do that in the next post :)
"Hi, I'm Jackson. He cheerfully greeted us, hand extended. You are doing a lot of work here. Are you guys just moving in?" When I explained the purpose of what we were doing, he raised his eyebrows, put both hands out in front of him (in a "stop" gesture) and took two steps back. "I'm not the 'churchy' type", he said. "That's ok with me," I said, "but can we still be friends?" At this statement, his whole body relaxed, his cheerful demeanor returned and he said "Sure! Do you want my cell phone number?"
Thus was the beginning of a friendship between Jackson and my husband and I that began a little over a year ago and has continued to grow. As we have gotten to know Jackson, I can understand why he was resistant to "churchy" things. He had a previous church experience that had been very negative. Instead of reaching out to him in love, he was rejected by some people there and asked not to come back.
The church he left was under what Jen Hatmaker refers to as the "Behave, Believe, Belong" model of church community. In this model, people are expected to behave first, regardless as to whether or not they believe in Christ and have "signed on" to moral accountability that comes with a personal relationship with God. Behaving may lead to belief which in turn leads to belonging to the group. What's very clear about this paradigm is that a person will never belong unless they behave.
One of the burdens we have for the friends we have made in the trailer park is for them to get connected to a local church. This is especially true for both the addicts and the recovering addicts that we know. Many of them have told us that we are the only stable friends they have. In order to be successful in their recovery, though, they need to develop a new cirlcle of friends -- healthy friends who will support them in their recovery and not try to sabbatoge it by tempting them to use drugs or alcohol.
We have invited and invited and invited and had many promises made to us about going to church on Sunday. Very rarely is there any follow through, however. We have had a few people level with us and say that they are simply afraid of being judged or not being accepted. Regardless of how much I assure them that my church isn't like that, at a basic, subconscious level, that fear is stronger than anything I can say to convince them otherwise, and Satan capitalizes on it.
We will have people drop by the trailer often, especially on Friday mornings for coffee and donuts. Occaisionally they are drunk or high. Frequently they use choice words in the the course of conversation. We do not tell them to watch their language or come back when they are sober "and we will talk". We have had to implement some policies when children are around, because we want the trailer to be a G-rated place for them during their "hangout time". We have never had to enforce these policies at this point, however. People usually watch their language when kids are around and if they come drunk, they usually don't stay long when kids are there.
People have told us that they feel accepted by us and others in the ministry and that they don't feel judged. One of our goals is to create a warm and accepting place in a church setting. Last October, we started a ministry on Friday nights, at a church across from the trailer park, that attempts to create such a place. We gather together for dinner and then have a short "God Talk". We then end with worship singing led by a young man who plays acoustic guitar. We debated at first if we should include singing, but so many of our friends who are addicts said they love that part the most. One man, who is not yet a believer, said he loves the music because it seems to "drive away the darkness." Although we haven't had very many people connected to the trailer park come check us out (around ten people have done so), we do have three men who come fairly consistently, including Jackson.
Like at the trailer, we have had people come drunk and high occasionally. Our goal is to communicate unconditional acceptance and belonging without judgement. Please don't get me wrong, we do not water down the gospel or teach a compromising message. We try and make the gospel clear every time we gather. It is our hope and prayer, though, that people will have an encounter with Jesus Christ and that they will eventually believe, receive Him as Savior, and then become a new creature in Christ. Becoming will only happen, however, through the power of the Holy Spirit conforming each person to the image of Christ from the inside out. But, even if they never believe and become, we want our friends always to feel like they belong.
Belong, Believe, Become. This is the model of church community that Jen Hatmaker and her husband adopted when they planted a church among the poor in Austin. Their story is very similar to my husband's and mine. Her book, Interrupted, was suggested to me by another blogger who read about our ministry. Jen's insights into ministry to the poor and to those in addictions are almost identical to those impressed upon my husband's and my heart.
So how do churches become safe for hurting people? We only have a few years of experience working with addicts, so we are far from being experts in this area. We have been learning a lot through trial and error and heavy dependence on the Holy Spirit. I do have some ideas I would like to share, but I'll do that in the next post :)
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