Surrendering my Children: Part 3 -- The Cost of Discipleship

I wrote in the previous two posts about some situations God has used to help me begin to learn to surrender my children to His care and His will.  I say "begin to learn", because my children are still young and this is still a very difficult process for me.  To read about the first and second circumstances, click here and here.  The following circumstance has become a significant, ongoing lesson that God has been teaching me over the past several years.

Circumstance #3:

"Mommy, I think God is calling me to be a martyr when I grow up.  I think He wants me to be a missionary to the middle east. But I'm kind of scared about it."

No kidding!

These were words spoken to me by my oldest daughter, Emma when she was in 3rd grade.  She had just come home from serving with my husband on a short term missions trip in Mexico.  I had stayed home that week with my other two children, but apparently the speaker, Bill Drake, had made an impression on her in one of his chapel talks. 

That morning Bill shared the story of Bonnie Witherall, an American missionary to Lebanon who was martyred back in 2002.  He gave the challenge to those listening to be willing to lay down their lives for the sake of the Gospel and to be honest I have wrestled with Emma's "calling" ever since.

You see, Emma is my first born.  Even before I gave birth to her I have worried about her safety, as well as the safety of my other children, Marianne and Lizzy who followed a few years later. I have done everything I can do as a parent to ensure the safety of my children:  Seat belts, helmets, stranger-danger talks, safe food handling, "look both ways before you cross the street" & "wear your shoes outside" lectures, etc, etc, etc.

Emma's statement gave me pause to really grapple with many areas of surrender I had given little thought to before:

Wow! My kids may end up in the far corner of the world somewhere on the mission field.  Somewhere far away. Somewhere dangerous.  Although it wouldn't be my will, God may lead them to martyrdom.  How do I feel about that possiblity? I want to keep my kids close.  I want them to be always within driving distance.  I want to be able to have my grandkids living nearby. Those are things I want.  But what does God want for them. 

Ooooh!  I didn't want to go there.  I still have trouble going there.  As a parent, I want the best for my children.  I want them to be happy, healthy, and safe.

As a Christian parent, however, I have prayed since my girls were babies, that as much as is humanly possible, they would grow up to love God with all of their hearts, souls, minds, and strength.  Intellectually I know that I want to raise my kids to love God so much that they would be willing to lay down their lives for Christ if they were ever called to do so. But the thought of that actually happening scares me so much that I can't think too deeply about it without ending up in a puddle of tears.

As I mentioned above, I have spent so much of my time and efforts as a mother trying to keep my daughters safe.  At the same time, I have also spent much time and energy teaching my daughters that the way of the Lord means that we die to self, count the cost, and take up our crosses and follow Him -- even to the point of death. We read missionary biographies together that depict great sacrifice.  We see in scripture Jesus calling us to all out obedience.  As Chris Tomlin sings "oh the wonderful cross . . . bids me come and die and find that I may truly live."

When Emma said she felt she was being called to be a martyr, I bit my tongue from saying, "I certainly hope not!"  I didn't want to crush the spirit of bravery that God was beginning to instill in her little heart. At the same time, I couldn't bear the thought that any harm might happen to her.

As she has gotten older, her call to missions hasn't wavered.  She's gone from wanting to be a missionary to the middle east, to a missionary to Thailand, to presently feeling called to serve the Dalit people in India.  She left Thursday for a short term missions trip to Africa, hoping while there to receive clearer direction from the Lord about His will for her future.

Its interesting how many surprised looks and questioning comments I've received about Emma going to Africa.

"Wow! She's so young!  Are you worried?"
"Is it safe?"

Is it safe?  Since when did Jesus call us to safety?  On the contrary, as I mentioned above, the cost of discipleship is great.  He calls us to deny ourselves, take up our cross and follow Him daily (Matthew 16:24). He says we are blessed if we are persecuted in His name (Matthew 5:10-12).  He says that we will be persecuted if we are his faithful followers (John 15:20). Scripture clearly indicates that if we are truly His followers we will live lives of sacrificial obedience.

I wonder if it is even possible to live a life of sacrificial obedience to God if we are pursuing pleasure, comfort, and safety?  In a way, He calls us all to possible martyrdom -- to be willing to lay our lives down for Him should He ask us to do so -- although very few of us will meet that fate.

As Emma's mother, this has been an emotional journey for me.  I don't doubt for a minute that she will be safe where she is going in Africa. But this step represents one step closer to a possible life time calling to the mission field.  I don't know if that is where she will land.  God may re-direct her to some other calling.  I hope and pray that martyrdom is not in her future but I struggle with this as well.

I look at the scriptures below that say that those who suffer for His name are considered "worthy" and blessed". 

Do I want my kids to be considered "worthy" by God?  Do I want them to be called "blessed"? Yes, I do!

Do I want them to be willing to lay down their lives for the sake of the Gospel?  Most certainly yes! 

Do I want them to be martyrs? No, no, and no! 

Do I want them to be safe?  Yes!

But when they die, do I want them to be found faithfully serving God? Yes! 

Do I want God's will for their lives, even if it means suffering for His name?  Oh, please don't make me answer that one now, Lord, I'm still not ready for that level of surrender.

Acts 5: 41-42
So they went on their way from the presence of the Council, rejoicing that they had been considered worthy to suffer shame for His name. And every day, in the temple and from house to house, they kept right on teaching and preaching Jesus as the Christ.

James 1: 12
Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him.

Revelation 2:10 -11
Do not fear what you are about to suffer. Behold, the devil is about to cast some of you into prison, so that you will be tested, and you will have tribulation for ten days. Be faithful until death, and I will give you the crown of life. He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. He who overcomes will not be hurt by the second death.’

2 Timothy 2:10-13
For this reason I endure all things for the sake of those who are chosen, so that they also may obtain the salvation which is in Christ Jesus and with it eternal glory. It is a trustworthy statement: For if we died with Him, we will also live with Him; If we endure, we will also reign with Him; If we deny Him, He also will deny us; If we are faithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself.

Matthew 5:10-12
"Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward in heaven is great; for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you."

Matthew 16:24
Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me.

Luke 14: 26-33
If anyone comes to Me, and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be My disciple. Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple.

For which one of you, when he wants to build a tower, does not first sit down and calculate the cost to see if he has enough to complete it? Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who observe it begin to ridicule him, saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish.’

Or what king, when he sets out to meet another king in battle, will not first sit down and consider whether he is strong enough with ten thousand men to encounter the one coming against him with twenty thousand? Or else, while the other is still far away, he sends a delegation and asks for terms of peace. So then, none of you can be My disciple who does not give up all his own possessions.

Lessons in Surrendering My Children: Part 2

I mentioned in the previous post, that God has used three different circumstances to help me learn to surrender my children to His care.  Click here to read about the first circumstance.

Circumstance #2
When Emma was born, she was a healthy baby girl.  Post-partum depression, however, left me spiraling down into a pit of worry again. When Emma was two months old, I saw a news story about a little girl who had been kidnapped right in front of her house.  Anxiety over took me as I realized I could only go so far to protect my daughter.  I stressed about how soon I should let her play outside, ride her bike to a friend's house, spend the night alone at someone's house, etc.

I was beginning to come out of this depression when Eric got a disturbing call  while he was at the short term missions agency office he worked for.  On the other end of the phone was an anonymous caller who told him to cancel the Tijuana outreach the next week or "everyone would pay", including him and "his newborn baby daughter!"

Fear over took me in an indescribable, paralyzing way.  I didn't know what to do!  I wanted to run and hide -- which I did.  We took Emma and spent the night at a friend's house.  The next morning Emma and I flew to my parents' house 500 miles away.

Undaunted and unwilling to submit to a threat, Eric called each of the leaders of the 15 or so teams scheduled to be on that outreach.  Each one of the leaders called the parents of the team members to let them know of the threat.  Eric and the rest of the minstry staff would continue the outreach as planned for whatever teams would show up.  Only one team called and cancelled.  Honestly, I was hoping that they all would.

I felt trapped.  I was in bondage like never before.  I wondered if I would ever emerge from this fearful mire. While at my parents' house that week, I was reading in Matthew 18 and came across verses 5-6 & 10:  

"And whoever receives one such child in My name receives Me; but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a heavy millstone hung around his neck, and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.  . . .See that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that their angels in heaven continually see the face of My Father who is in heaven."

God used that verse to speak to me in my Spirit again.  I felt Him saying to me:  Remember, I told you you could trust Me. I have special Angels watching over her. I take it seriously when people hurt children. If she is ever harmed in any way, my justice will be served.  I promise! 

At this point I was flooded with peace, not just for Emma, but for Eric as well.  Nothing that could ever happen to them that would be outside of God's knowledge, power, and provision.  I can honestly say that since that moment I have no longer been gripped by fear for my children.  Now I've been fearful over other things since then, and I have had moments of fear for my kids, but I haven't been overwhelmed by continuous, unrelenting fear for their safety.

Well, the outreach happened as scheduled and was uneventful.  It turned out that the anonymous caller was suspected to be a disgruntled youth worker whose youth pastor was making him take a trip he didn't want to take.  He didn't admit to the accusations, however, and there wasn't enough evidence to press charges, so no legal action was taken.

I share this story two days after Eric and I saw Emma off for a two week trip to Africa.  I am grateful that the Lord has brought us to the point of being able to release her to His care with open hands. I know I could easily retreat to a fearful grip that would keep Emma close and not allow her to take the risk of traveling so far without us. If I did this then both she and I would miss out on the blessings of God being manifested through her obedience to His calling on her life.

We have some missionary friends who served in the middle east for 15 years.  When asked about the wisdom of serving in an area that is so hostile toward Americans, they would often quote the cliche "The safest place to be is in the center of God's will."  Yes this statement has been so frequently quoted it has become cliche, but what a truthful cliche!  I don't believe God promises to keep us safe,  but He does promise to never leave us or forsake us.  He does say that when we "walk through the shadow of the valley of death" he is with us with his comforting "rod and staff". This is both true for us and our children.

Missions Discipleship: Some Practical Ideas

I mentioned in a previous post the need I feel for a return to missions discipleship. Here are some ideas for individuals, families, and churches. These are just off of the top of my head, so if you have additional ideas, post them in the comments section:

Read missionary biographies.  Some good ones I've read are:
Through Gates of Splendor &
The Shadow of the Almighty (both about Jim & Elisabeth Elliot)
The End of the Spear (about Nate Saint)
Hudson Taylor's Spiritual Secret,
Lord's of the Earth (about Stan & Pat Dale)
Peace Child (about Don & Carol Richardson)
And the Word Came With Power (about Joanne Shetler)
William Carey
Jim & Betty Stam
Imprisoned in Iran (about Dan Baumann)
Bruchko (my all time favorite about Bruce Olson)
Torches of Joy (about John & Helen Dekker)
Mary Slessor
Eric Liddell
Gladys Aylward
I Dared to Call Him Father (about Bilquis Sheikh)
The Heavenly Man (about Brother Yun)
Total Abandon (about Gary and Bonnie Witherall,)
Jesus Freaks

Just a note about reading these to children.  Some of these biographies include tales of martyrdom or violence. The biographies from the Christian Heroes: Then & Now series (several have been included above), however, are good reading material for both adults and children. Hero Tales is a collection of short biographies of Christian Heroes that our children enjoyed us reading aloud to them. Many of these biographies have been made into movies.  

Go to missions conferences (ACMC, Urbana, Missions Fest, MissionExpo, Mission Connexion, etc.)  meet missionaries there, sign up to get their prayer letters.

Host a missions conference at your church or work together with other churches to host a community missions conference.

Read the book From Jerusalem to Iryan Jira to get an overview of missions history.

Visit the website for the US Center for World Missions.


Sign up for Missions Frontiers or read it online (a publication of the US Center for World Missions).

Take a Perspectives on the World Christian Movement course on line or in person if one is available in your area or other courses available through  US Center for World Missions.

Find out which missionaries your church supports and ask to get their prayer letters.

Read prayer letters during family devotions and pray for the missionaries.

Write to your missionaries.  (confession: I am really bad at this!) If they are in closed countries, make sure to get a list of guidelines for letters from them or their sending agency.

Pray regularly for missionaries: for fruitfulness, strong marriages, their children, team unity, energy, vision, wisdom, prevention of burnout, refreshment, finances, spiritual warfare issues, loneliness & isolation, language learning, adapting to culture, friends, etc.

Invite missionaries on furlough into your home.

Pray about going on a short term missions trip or better yet, visiting a long term missionary on his or her field (make sure this would not be an inconvenience first). Be sure to take your children. Did I really say that? Yes, especially if it is a third world country. Trust God for your family’s safety. It will be an experience that will change your and your kid’s perspective and priorities forever.

Advocate for missionaries in your church (see if you can post their prayer letters if they are not in closed countries, see if you can do regular "missions spotlights").

Become aware of the persecuted church. Go to Voice of the Martyrs' website and write to a prisoner.

Visit websites of various missions organizations and find out what is happening in the Global Church.

Go through prayer books like Operation World or  take your children through Window on the World.

Include "missions moments" in your children's Sunday School program or VBS.  This can be done weekly in a short segment or once a month, take the whole Sunday School time to focus on a missionary or country to learn about and pray for.  You could include items, food, songs, etc. from that country to make it more hands on. Be sure to invite visiting missionaries to come and share with the children.

Set an example to your children of giving regularly to missionaries. By supporting a missionary, you are helping to fulfill a task God has asked all of us to do -- preach the Gospel to all nations.  My husband likes to use this analogy:  We all have to clean our houses, mow our lawns, wash our cars, etc.  These are tasks that need to be done.  We can either hire someone to do it for us or we can do it ourselves.  Similarly, I can't reach those in remote tribal areas of Tanzania, because God has a calling for me here in the States.  So, I am helping friends of mine fulfill the Great Commission  in that area of the world by praying for and financially supporting them in there work there.

Sponsor a child in a third world country through Compassion International or World Vision.

Put together Christmas shoe box packages through organizations like Samaritan's Purse.

Write your missionaries a thank you note.  You will both shock and bless them. We recently received one from a supporter who cut off part of the  thank you we had sent and mailed it back to us with a personal thank you. I also received an encouraging email recently from my friend, Christine. Those words of thanks and encouragement can go so far in preventing burnout, especially if the missionary is living overseas, in a foreign culture, away from family and friends.


Host a "Christmas in July" party.  Put together Christmas missionary care packages in the summertime. Contact the missionaries first to see if they would want this (don't assume).  Have them give you a wish list of items to be included in a care package.  Make sure to find out if there are any customs restrictions.  Have a Christmas tree in the lobby or some other place in the church with paper ornaments with specific items from the wish list written on them.  Be sure to include ornaments with the shipping costs written on them as shipping packages overseas can be really expensive (this is something to consider when deciding which wish list items to put on the ornaments).  Those who participate come to the party and assemble the packages.  The church I attended in high school used to do this in the context of  an international dinner.

Organize and facilitate a missions prayer meeting for missionaries in your church.


Become aware of the physical and spiritual poverty of countries the 10/40 window and  pray for that area.


Again, if anyone has additional ideas to share, please post them in the comments section.

Walking with the Wise: Emma's Blessing Ceremony

Today we celebrated our daughter's upcoming 15th birthday with a "Blessing Ceremony ".  This is a rite of passage ceremony that is inspired by the Latin American and Jewish “coming of age” traditions of the “quinceanera” and “Bar/Bat Mitzvah”. It acknowledges the beginning of the process of preparation for the transition from childhood to adulthood. This ceremony has two key components: the recognition of mentorship and a spoken blessing.

I came across this idea a while back when I was listening to a podcast on Oneplace.com.  Since my husband and I had worked in Mexico for 17 years, we had become familiar with the Latin American tradition of the quinceanera, an elaborate "coming of age" rite of passage that takes place on a girl's 15th birthday.  Although we never planned on having something as involved as a traditional quinceanera, we had always wanted to do something special to commemorate our girls' 15th birthdays.  When our oldest daughter turned 14, I began to wonder what we would do for her quinceanera.  When I heard Jim and Janet Weidmann interviewed on the podcast telling about the Blessings Ceremony they planned for each of their kids, I was thrilled.  I knew that this is was the very thing I wanted to do for "Emma's" 15th birthday.

Unfortunately I didn't download the podcast.  I couldn't remember the authors' names so every Google search I did to try and find the podcast or book in which this ceremony was described left me empty handed.   I eventually did find the book online, but despite the promised delivery date range, it  arrived yesterday afternoon --  after the ceremony.  I'll look through it, though, and see if there is anything I can use for  Marianne and Lizzy's ceremonies in a few years.  The two key parts of the ceremony I did remember from the podcast were recognition of mentorship and a spoken blessing.

Mentorship:  The need for wise counsel is a repeated theme in the book of Proverbs. As Emma approaches adulthood, Eric and I would like her to realize the importance of developing the lifelong habit of seeking and recognizing godly role models and counselors. For the past several years, I have prayed that God would bring iron-sharpens-iron friends and mentors into  Emma’s life.  About 6 months ago, I asked Emma to be thinking about  women she would like to recognize as mentors who have made an impact on her and whose lives demonstrate a strong commitment to Christ. I asked Emma  to chose 5 ladies who fit this description. As mentors, we asked these ladies to be available to Emma to teach, counsel, exhort, correct, advise, and encourage her in her walk with the Lord as He leads.

I invited these special women to a tea and asked them to bring a blessing, prayer, scripture, or poem to read to Emma during the ceremony. The importance of blessing is emphasized throughout the Bible. It is also a key component in rite of passage ceremonies in many different cultures.

My mom, Eric's mom, Emma's godmother, and Eric and I also prepared blessings to read.  Eric's mom and Emma's godmother couldn't be at the ceremony because they live out of state, so they sent theirs via email and Lizzy and I read the blessings they prepared.

I thought it would be good also for Emma to write something to read to each of the mentors, telling them why she chose them and letting them know the important role they have played in her discipleship. She printed these off, cut a decorative edge around each one and tied it to a yellow rose.

A few days before the ceremony, we went shopping for a special outfit and for a special tea pot.

I got the idea of choosing a special tea pot from a blessing ceremony I read about on another blog.  This was a lot of fun.  After two days of looking,  Emma ended up deciding on the very first teapot she came across. We call it the "Minnie Mouse tea pot".  Emma says she chose it because it makes her smile.   The fact that it makes her smile makes me smile.

I feel so blessed by the Lord that Emma has such wonderful ladies in her life that care so deeply about her and take time to invest in her life.

He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm. ~ Proverbs 13:20