Surrendering my Children: Part 3 -- The Cost of Discipleship

I wrote in the previous two posts about some situations God has used to help me begin to learn to surrender my children to His care and His will.  I say "begin to learn", because my children are still young and this is still a very difficult process for me.  To read about the first and second circumstances, click here and here.  The following circumstance has become a significant, ongoing lesson that God has been teaching me over the past several years.

Circumstance #3:

"Mommy, I think God is calling me to be a martyr when I grow up.  I think He wants me to be a missionary to the middle east. But I'm kind of scared about it."

No kidding!

These were words spoken to me by my oldest daughter, Emma when she was in 3rd grade.  She had just come home from serving with my husband on a short term missions trip in Mexico.  I had stayed home that week with my other two children, but apparently the speaker, Bill Drake, had made an impression on her in one of his chapel talks. 

That morning Bill shared the story of Bonnie Witherall, an American missionary to Lebanon who was martyred back in 2002.  He gave the challenge to those listening to be willing to lay down their lives for the sake of the Gospel and to be honest I have wrestled with Emma's "calling" ever since.

You see, Emma is my first born.  Even before I gave birth to her I have worried about her safety, as well as the safety of my other children, Marianne and Lizzy who followed a few years later. I have done everything I can do as a parent to ensure the safety of my children:  Seat belts, helmets, stranger-danger talks, safe food handling, "look both ways before you cross the street" & "wear your shoes outside" lectures, etc, etc, etc.

Emma's statement gave me pause to really grapple with many areas of surrender I had given little thought to before:

Wow! My kids may end up in the far corner of the world somewhere on the mission field.  Somewhere far away. Somewhere dangerous.  Although it wouldn't be my will, God may lead them to martyrdom.  How do I feel about that possiblity? I want to keep my kids close.  I want them to be always within driving distance.  I want to be able to have my grandkids living nearby. Those are things I want.  But what does God want for them. 

Ooooh!  I didn't want to go there.  I still have trouble going there.  As a parent, I want the best for my children.  I want them to be happy, healthy, and safe.

As a Christian parent, however, I have prayed since my girls were babies, that as much as is humanly possible, they would grow up to love God with all of their hearts, souls, minds, and strength.  Intellectually I know that I want to raise my kids to love God so much that they would be willing to lay down their lives for Christ if they were ever called to do so. But the thought of that actually happening scares me so much that I can't think too deeply about it without ending up in a puddle of tears.

As I mentioned above, I have spent so much of my time and efforts as a mother trying to keep my daughters safe.  At the same time, I have also spent much time and energy teaching my daughters that the way of the Lord means that we die to self, count the cost, and take up our crosses and follow Him -- even to the point of death. We read missionary biographies together that depict great sacrifice.  We see in scripture Jesus calling us to all out obedience.  As Chris Tomlin sings "oh the wonderful cross . . . bids me come and die and find that I may truly live."

When Emma said she felt she was being called to be a martyr, I bit my tongue from saying, "I certainly hope not!"  I didn't want to crush the spirit of bravery that God was beginning to instill in her little heart. At the same time, I couldn't bear the thought that any harm might happen to her.

As she has gotten older, her call to missions hasn't wavered.  She's gone from wanting to be a missionary to the middle east, to a missionary to Thailand, to presently feeling called to serve the Dalit people in India.  She left Thursday for a short term missions trip to Africa, hoping while there to receive clearer direction from the Lord about His will for her future.

Its interesting how many surprised looks and questioning comments I've received about Emma going to Africa.

"Wow! She's so young!  Are you worried?"
"Is it safe?"

Is it safe?  Since when did Jesus call us to safety?  On the contrary, as I mentioned above, the cost of discipleship is great.  He calls us to deny ourselves, take up our cross and follow Him daily (Matthew 16:24). He says we are blessed if we are persecuted in His name (Matthew 5:10-12).  He says that we will be persecuted if we are his faithful followers (John 15:20). Scripture clearly indicates that if we are truly His followers we will live lives of sacrificial obedience.

I wonder if it is even possible to live a life of sacrificial obedience to God if we are pursuing pleasure, comfort, and safety?  In a way, He calls us all to possible martyrdom -- to be willing to lay our lives down for Him should He ask us to do so -- although very few of us will meet that fate.

As Emma's mother, this has been an emotional journey for me.  I don't doubt for a minute that she will be safe where she is going in Africa. But this step represents one step closer to a possible life time calling to the mission field.  I don't know if that is where she will land.  God may re-direct her to some other calling.  I hope and pray that martyrdom is not in her future but I struggle with this as well.

I look at the scriptures below that say that those who suffer for His name are considered "worthy" and blessed". 

Do I want my kids to be considered "worthy" by God?  Do I want them to be called "blessed"? Yes, I do!

Do I want them to be willing to lay down their lives for the sake of the Gospel?  Most certainly yes! 

Do I want them to be martyrs? No, no, and no! 

Do I want them to be safe?  Yes!

But when they die, do I want them to be found faithfully serving God? Yes! 

Do I want God's will for their lives, even if it means suffering for His name?  Oh, please don't make me answer that one now, Lord, I'm still not ready for that level of surrender.

Acts 5: 41-42
So they went on their way from the presence of the Council, rejoicing that they had been considered worthy to suffer shame for His name. And every day, in the temple and from house to house, they kept right on teaching and preaching Jesus as the Christ.

James 1: 12
Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him.

Revelation 2:10 -11
Do not fear what you are about to suffer. Behold, the devil is about to cast some of you into prison, so that you will be tested, and you will have tribulation for ten days. Be faithful until death, and I will give you the crown of life. He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. He who overcomes will not be hurt by the second death.’

2 Timothy 2:10-13
For this reason I endure all things for the sake of those who are chosen, so that they also may obtain the salvation which is in Christ Jesus and with it eternal glory. It is a trustworthy statement: For if we died with Him, we will also live with Him; If we endure, we will also reign with Him; If we deny Him, He also will deny us; If we are faithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself.

Matthew 5:10-12
"Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward in heaven is great; for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you."

Matthew 16:24
Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me.

Luke 14: 26-33
If anyone comes to Me, and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be My disciple. Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple.

For which one of you, when he wants to build a tower, does not first sit down and calculate the cost to see if he has enough to complete it? Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who observe it begin to ridicule him, saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish.’

Or what king, when he sets out to meet another king in battle, will not first sit down and consider whether he is strong enough with ten thousand men to encounter the one coming against him with twenty thousand? Or else, while the other is still far away, he sends a delegation and asks for terms of peace. So then, none of you can be My disciple who does not give up all his own possessions.